Nightmares

Finally Honest

"Your nightmares? Did you have another one?" Soda asked.

I shook my head. "Not exactly. I mean, I did but they never stopped. They never went away. They never got better."

"Wait, so they never went away? I thought they were getting better. You never woke up screaming anymore."

"Yeah," Darry added. "And I thought going to the doctor helped."

"It didn't. It never helped." I responded, kinda surprised by the serious tone in my voice. "The screaming might have gotten a little better but the nightmares never went away."

The room was silent for a moment until I spoke up. "I can remember them too. I've always been able to remember them... they keep me up at night too. It takes me hours to go back to sleep. Sometimes I don't go back to sleep at all."

"Ponyboy, how long has your lack of sleep been going on?"

"Ever since my first nightmare."

Darrry let out a sigh and shook his head. Was he angry at me?

"What was it about? I know it was probably bad. You don't have to tell us if you don't want to." Soda asked.

"Mom and Dad." With that the room went quiet again. It was a different type of quiet though. Like they one after Mom and Dad's funeral.

"Pony you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." I could hear the sadness in Soda's voice.

"It's fine. I need to get it out anyway... okay so I was at home when I heard the phone ring. I answered it and a lady was on the other end. She asked if I was Ponyboy Curtis. I told her yes a-and she told me... she told me t-that Mom and Dad and you two had d-d-died. She told me that a train had hit you."

I was trying my best to hold back tears. "At first I didn't believe her. I called Two-Bit and asked him if you two went. He said yes and asked me if I was okay. I didn't answer him. I had dropped the phone and started crying. The next thing I knew Two-Bit was at the house talking to me. He kept talking to me but when I opened my eyes he was gone. I wasn't in the house anymore."

I looked at Soda. He looked sad, like he was holding back tears. Darry just had a blank expression on his face. Johnny looked like Soda. I hadn't told him a specific dream but he still looked shocked.

"I was at the train tracks. When I looked up I could see Mom and Dad's car crossing the train tracks. I seen the train in the distance. I knew I could save them. I ran up to the car and seen you two in the back seat. I knocked on the window, but you didn't hear me. I tried yelling, but you still didn't hear me."

Finally I started crying. I could still picture it all in my head and it hurt. "The train was coming so I ran away from the car. I seen it hit you."

I put my head in my hands and cried. Darry and Soda came and they both sat beside me. Darry wrapped his arm around me while Soda was rubbing my back.

"I watched you die. I know it's not real, but I can never unsee that. Every night I watch everyone I know get hurt or die. It hurts to see that every night and nothing can make it go away. I hate how I can never go back to sleep afterward. I'm scared to have another nightmare. I can always see the events of the dream play back in my head and when I close my eyes I can still see it. I can still hear the voices and screams inside my head and they won't go away."

Sodapop held me and rocked me back and forth as I cried. "It will be okay," Soda cooed.

I heard Darry say something to Johnny, but I couldn't make out what it was. I heard the door open and close and figured he asked Johnny to leave.

"Ponyboy, it's going to be okay. We are going to get you help but you have to tell us when they happen, okay."

I nodded. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. I didn't want to worry you."

"It's alright Pone. Why don't you lay down for a little bit."

I nodded and crawled into bed. Thankfully, all the crying I did made me more tired. Hopefully I can sleep better.

Darry had walked outside but Soda hadn't left yet. "Soda," I said before he could get out the door. "Can you lay down with me?"

"Sure Pone." He climed into bed and wrapped an arm around me. "How come you never told us before?"

"I didn't want to worry you. I knew you two had lots of worries and I didn't want to be a burden."

"Pony you are not a burden. You never have and never will be."

"That's what Johnny told me."

"Why did you tell him and not us?"

"I didn't want to tell him. He just figured it out. He knew I had been lying. He kinda beat it out of me. Now can you stop with the questions and let me sleep."

He laughed. "Yeah." I heard Soda say something, but I didn't know what. I was to busy thinking of how they were going to help me. Going to the doctor didn't help. What if they take me to a therapist? I don't want to go to a therapist. I didn't even want to go to the doctor.

It took me a few minutes to relax, but when I did I finally fell asleep.