The same version of you

Chapter 5

They will always be something about town houses that I will always love. Loyd's was no exception. I didn't wanna give him the satisfaction by complimenting, so I admired it in silence. I love the cool grey colors and the blend of white. I now understood why Bryan was so obsessed with grey, but there was white in the house. My favourite interior color. This house was definitely a must-have!

"Please sit." He gestured with one hand on the seat while the other held the chair firmly.

Had he made dinner for me? I wondered silently as I sat and took in the aromatic scent that filled the dining room. "Dinner will be served in a second," he'd said. I bit my lip for not putting more effort for this occasion. I had worn a backless short pink dress that I usually put on when Gilmore and I had to get groceries.

What is wrong with you?.... What is wrong with you for being here?!

"You didn't have to cook," I made an attempt at a civil conversation. He smiled gently, "Ow I didn't cook, I got someone to come do it. I had a hectic day I wouldn't have had time to do it."

Ouch!

  "O--okay."

We awkwardly exchanged small, meaningless talk. He was kind. A little too careful not to touch the Bryan's will issues.

I enjoyed the food, maybe a little too much, "It's delicious...did your girlfriend prepare it."

He laughed softly, "Wouldn't you want to know?" I quickly looked away and grabbed my own glass of wine.

"Sorry I asked." I felt my cheeks flash.

Why am I here again??

He wasn't moved by my attempt at guilt tripping him into telling me. I couldn't finish my meal as I had had enough.... Honestly, I really had had enough. I put my cutlery down and patiently waited for him to get it over with.

"Bryan did say you dont eat much," he said looking at my unfinished plate.

"Just how much did Bryan actually say on his deathbed?" I questioned curiously. He stopped eating and paused for a moment before he stood up to clear the table, "Not much.... Refill?"

"I didn't come all this way for wine. So, no, thank you."

He sighed and went on about his activity. Finally when he was done he settled back down on his chair. We sat in silence for a while and just when I thought I couldn't handle it anymore he broke the silence, "I have nightmares...you know. Serious ones.... He asks if you're okay. I never really have a positive answer so I always say no and he starts screaming. Its almost like am making him relive that horrific evening. There's the sound scratching then a loud banging sound. I hear him scream.... I... I cant help him.... He can't hear me...."

My heart broke all over again. I could almost get a vivid picture of what the dreams were like. He gulped down half his glass of wine.

"I have tried to ignore the dreams. Convincing myself with time they would pass..... Please Samira, allow my brother to rest. Let me take care of you. I wanna tell him you're okay. You're resting well. You're studying hard. You're eating well... That's all I want. I won't expect more from you than you to rely on me. I wanna have a peaceful night.... Please Samira..."

Why are you crying, fool? 

I couldn't deny the fact that at some point I thought I would sleep better if I entertained the Jones. Tears warmed my cheek. I would never get over Bryan, would I?

"I have nightmares too..." He turned to face me. His eyes a mixture of hope and empathy. He smiled, a soothing and reassuring smile. I immediately felt like opening up. Which was going to be the first time since Bryan had passed on.

"I can't deny that I've had nights when I thought I should come running straight to you...to understand....to heal you know....," I explained tearfully. My emotions got the better of me and I released floods of hot tears. Loyd stood up from across the table and came round to my side. He pulled and turned my chair, bending to give me a comforting embrace.

"You should have.... You really should have...."

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