Johnny's POV
I laid on my back, staring up at the ceiling as I tried to ignore the emptiness that was threatening to swallow me whole.
I never thought I could feel this empty before.
I should've known, from the second that I met Jimmy, that he would be someone I would never forget.
Someone no one would ever forget.
Jimmy was the kind of guy, you could spend two minutes with him, and already love him.
You could never stay mad at him for more then a few seconds.
He was the kind of guy, that could make you laugh when you're feeling at your lowest.
He was the guy that you could talk to about absolutely nothing, and it would probably be the most interesting conversation you'd ever have.
He was also one of the smartest guys I've ever known.
People underestimated him because he had such a carefree view on life.
But there was so much depth to him, it was hard to understand.
He was my best friend.
That much I understand.
That much I will never forget.
I look over to my nightstand and see a picture of me and him.
It's like a memory that is trying to haunt me.
He is really gone.
Gone.
Why is that so hard for me to understand?
It's been months now.
And I still can't seem to grasp that simple fact.
I guess it's really true that you never get over the feeling of losing of a loved one.
I never in a million years thought it would be one of my best friends though.
Someone so young, and who was so young, died so early.
It's not fair.
And it never will be.
The only thing I can do is cope.
Sucks that it is so much easier said than done.
I took in a deep breath, trying to calm myself as I felt the sobs trying to escape me.
I covered my mouth, not wanting to wake up Candace who was asleep right next to me.
I roll over onto my side, away from her.
I wanted to have as much distance as possible, then she wouldn't wake up and hear me.
Wrong.
The second I rolled away from her, she woke up with a start.
She rolled over and put a hand on my shoulder.
"Johnny? What's wrong?" She asked softly, the grogginess still evident in her voice.
"Nothing babe. Just go back to sleep." I told her, but my voice was off, and she caught on to it.
She jumped out of bed and came over to my side, getting down on her knees so she could see me better.
She turned on the light and saw me staring at me and Jimmy's picture.
"Oh honey." She murmured, her eyes getting glossy.
She pulled me closer, and feeling her warmth is what pushed me over the edge.
I started to sob uncontrollably and I know I was getting her wet with my tears.
I tried to pull away but she held me firmly there.
"Just let it out baby." She told me softly, running her hands through my hair.
I continued to cry, letting out everything I had been holding in since Jimmy's death.
"It's not fair." I cried.
Candace didn't say anything else.
She just let me cry in her arms.
And as much as I hate to admit it, it really did help.
It actually felt extremely liberating.
It felt like hours later that I finally pulled away from Candace, no more tears running down my face, because I had no more tears to cry.
Candace cradled my face and looked at me.
"Johnny, it's okay to talk about Jimmy. You need to. You need to remember all of the good times you had with him. All of the memories you guys have shared. It's also okay to be mad at him. You feel like he left you, left all of you guys. It's okay to hate him baby. And it's okay to be happy. To move on with life. Because that's what Jimmy would've wanted." Candace said softly.
"It's not fair. It wasn't his time to go. How could he leave us! We all need him!" I said angrily.
"I don't know honey. And I know it's not fair. He meant a lot to all of you. And I really wish I would've had the honor to meet him. But Jimmy is still living on. And he will forever as long as you and Matt and Brian and Zacky, everyone who knew and loved him, keeps his memory alive. Jimmy will never truly leave you. Because he's always in here." Candace said, putting her hands over my heart.
My hand covered hers as I pressed my forehead against hers.
"I miss him so much." I cried.
"It's gonna take time baby. I know it's not gonna be easy. And I know it's gonna hurt. But I promise you, it won't hurt this much forever." Candace said.
"It sure feels like it." I grumbled.
"That's because you're trying to ignore the fact that he's gone. You think if you ignore it, then it's not real. But you're just pushing off the unavoidable. And you're going to have to deal with Jimmy's death one way or another. And you can't do it alone. The guys have, and are still feeling some of the things you're going through. You should open up to them about it, and talk to them about it. I think it would really help." She said softly.
"I don't want to bring them down with me." I said.
"You're not going to bring them down. I'm sure they'd rather help you through your grief then have you sit at home and deal with it alone. You guys are best friends and brothers, and that's never gonna change. You need to rely on them. Because they will always have your back. And they can help you through this better than anyone else." Candace told me.
I looked up at her and realized she was telling me the truth.
Maybe it is time to talk to my friends.
Better late then never.
