I walked into the studio, looking over at the guys as they threw ideas back and forth as to how to carry on with finishing up the last song that Jimmy wrote, 'Fiction.'
This song is the hardest for me to listen to.
This song shows Jimmy's legacy in it's entirety.
This song represents him in every way possible.
It embodies him.
And in a way, I think it was his way of telling us all goodbye.
Sort of helping us with coping through his death.
No matter how many times I try and sit through the whole song, I just can't do it.
I'm filled with the overwhelming feeling to break down.
And that's one thing that I don't want to do in front of the guys.
I know they're still hurting.
They don't need my pain on top of theirs.
I kept hearing Candace's voice in my head.
'The guys have, and are still feeling some of the things you're going through. You should open up to them about it, and talk to them about it.' Her soft voice murmured to me a few nights ago.
I opened my mouth, ready to let them know what I was feeling.
But nothing came.
I tried again, and nothing happened.
Brian looked over at me and saw me opening and closing my mouth.
"Johnny, what the fuck are you doing man?" Brian asked.
I closed my mouth again.
"Nothing." I told him quickly, looking down.
"Looks like you have something you want to say." Zacky said, leaning back in his chair.
Now all of the guys turned and looked at me.
"I, uh, I think we should open up the song with a piano." I told them, looking down.
Everyone looked around and Matt looked down at the lyric book in his hands.
"That's actually really good Johnny. That would be kick ass." Matt said.
I smiled at the guys as they all gave me praise.
I looked over at them as they all started thinking about other things to do with the song.
"Mike hasn't done the drum tracks yet, but he should be coming in later today." Matt said.
The second those words came out of his mouth, the door to the recording room opened.
I saw Candace's bright smile and I felt warmth envelope me.
"Hey guys. Sorry to interrupt." She said softly.
"You're not interrupting darling." Larry said with a bright smile.
Candace grinned and I stood up, walking over to meet her by the door.
"You guys have a visitor." She said with a grin.
She moved aside and I saw Mike standing there.
"What's up dude!" I said loudly.
I opened my arms and gave Mike a huge hug.
"How's it going Johnny?" Mike asked me.
"It's going good man. How was your flight?" I asked him, as he walked in the room and gave each of the guys a hug.
"It was alright. Glad to be back on solid ground." He said with a booming laugh.
We all laughed too and arranged ourselves back in our seats.
I looked around for Candace and saw that she had left the room already.
I stood up quietly and made my way out into the main lobby where Candace's desk was set up.
I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her.
She jumped slightly but then relaxed when she realized it was me.
"How did your talk with the guys go?" She asked me, running her hand softly across my arm that was draped around her neck.
I groaned and leaned my head against her cheek.
"I didn't talk to them." I told her slowly.
She pulled my arms from around her neck and she turned her chair so she was facing me.
She crossed her arms over her chest and looked at me sternly.
"I know. I know." I grumbled, not liking the disapproving look she was giving me.
"Johnny we talked about this. You can't go through this by yourself." Candace said softly.
"I know Candace. I really was going to talk to them about it. But I opened my mouth, and nothing would come out." I told her honestly.
"You need to try babe. It will make you feel so much better knowing you're not in this alone." Candace said softly.
I looked down at her and smiled softly.
I cupped her cheek and bent down, kissing her softly.
"You are amazing do you know that." I told her.
She smiled and pressed her lips to mine again.
I heard a throat clearing from behind me and I turned around abruptly to see Brian standing there with a cocked eyebrow.
"What's going on here?" He asked with a smirk.
