Johnny's POV
The past few months have gone pretty smoothly.
The album is coming along great.
Me and Candace are doing fantastic.
She's amazing.
I didn't think I could be this happy.
But I am.
There's also this black cloud that seems to be hanging over me.
I know the more time I let pass, the worse it's going to be.
But I just don't know how to get the words out of my mouth.
Candace is nothing but supportive on this subject.
She realizes how hard it is for me to be vulnerable in front of my best friends.
But she keeps encouraging me.
Because she knows I'll never be truly happy until I talk to them about it.
I sat at Candace's desk as she told the guys about the interviews we had scheduled next month.
They all liked how she told us in advance.
It gave us time to prepare and we appreciated the gesture.
I felt a hand squeeze my shoulder and I leaned into Candace's touch.
"It's just them back there. You should go and talk to them." She said gently.
I looked up into her beautiful hazel eyes.
They held nothing but sincerity and love for me.
I nodded.
She smiled encouragingly and pressed a soft kiss to my lips.
I stood up and she walked silently next to me until I got to the recording room.
Once I walked through the door, Candace let me go.
I turned and looked at her with wide eyes.
She nodded with a small smile on her lips and closed the door softly.
I sat down and the guys carried on talking about whatever the hell they were talking about.
"Hey guys." I said.
They eventually stopped talking and gave me their attention.
"What's going on Christ?" Matt asked.
"Are you here to tell us Candace is pregnant?" Brian asked with a laugh.
"Jesus Christ! Could you imagine a little Johnny running around." Zacky laughed.
I didn't laugh at any of the jokes because I had finally grown the balls to talk to them, and they were laughing at me.
I knew this was a waste of time.
I was about to stand up when Matt put his hand on my shoulder and pushed me back down.
"What's wrong Johnny?" He asked.
I looked down at the ground and cursed myself for feeling like I was about to cry.
"Whoa whoa whoa. What the hell happened?" Brian exclaimed.
"Tell us what happened. We'll beat their ass." Zacky said angrily.
I laughed softly and looked up at them, wiping the tears from my eyes.
"I miss him." I whispered.
It got completely quiet and I could feel all of their eyes on me.
It was a few minutes later that somebody actually started talking.
"We miss him too Johnny." Brian said softly.
I nodded, trying not to talk because I know I would choke.
"It's not easy Johnny. It might not ever be. But we have each other. And we're here for you." Matt told me.
"I know that guys. I was just, so lost. I didn't know what to do. You guys seemed like you were handling it so much better than me and I didn't want to bring you guys down. I thought maybe I could handle it by myself. But that was a dumb idea. Candace has been trying to talk me into this for weeks." I said, sniffling and wiping my nose.
"Losing Jimmy isn't something any of us are every going to get over. It's gonna take time, and we have to be there for each other. We're best friends. That's what we do." Zacky told me.
"I know. I didn't want to seem like a pussy." I explained.
"You're not a pussy for feeling sad Johnny. We're all still really sad." Brian said.
"He's right. I think about Jimmy every morning I wake up. I think maybe it was all a bad dream and I want to call him and tell him how much I love him and he means to me. But then I realize and I feel sad again. Then I think of everything I have. You guys, my best friends, my family and Val. All of our Avenged family, and I realize that Jimmy didn't leave me alone. He left us all, and he knows we'll be able to lean on each other and get through this." Matt said.
I couldn't control the pain that was flowing through me.
The tears were coming freely now and I didn't bother wiping them away anymore.
Brian got up and pulled me into a hug.
"I was wondering when you were gonna break." He chuckled.
The rest of the guys came and we had a group hug and I realized that no matter what, they are here for me.
And they know exactly what I'm going through.
They are still experiencing it themselves.
"I just didn't want to bring the mood down. We needed to focus for the album and I didn't think pouring my heart out would help." I told them honestly.
"If you can't pour your heart out to your best friends, who can you do it around?" Zacky asked.
I nodded because they're right.
"We're supposed to be sad right now, Johnny. Some of us might hide it better than others, but we're all feeling the same way." Matt said.
He gripped my shoulder tightly and I knew they had my back.
As embarrassing as it is to cry like a little baby, there's a huge weight that's been lifted off of my shoulders.
It may not be easy to deal with Jimmy's death.
He's my best friend.
And I'll always miss him.
But I have family and friends, a woman that I love, that will always be there for me to share the pain and pick me up when I'm done.
That's the best gift Jimmy could've ever given me.
