You Speak In Every Curling Wave (Cashby)

Chapter 11

ALAN'S POV

Rivers arm slung around my shoulder, and we both collapsed into a fit of giggles. I'm not sure what was funny, but it was freaking hilarious.
"Oh my god, I can't believe you told him the wrong room." He laughed so hard that it made me laugh harder, too. I felt so happy, so alive. There was this adrenaline coursing through my body, like yellow sunshine, and I felt like I was on top of the world.
"We're gonna live forever." I sighed happily to my raven haired friend. He looked into my eyes I intently, grinning.
"Yeah, we are." He held my hands gently, pulling me up. "Let's turn the music up." That sounded like a wonderful idea, to me. I turned it up so loud that it was splitting my ears, and we just danced. We danced like things that only knew music, and only knew how to feel good, nothing else. After a bit, though, I was feeling really dizzy. So I plopped down on the floor. My legs were floating away from me. River sat down on one of those pillows across from me, and started up another line.
"Round two?" He offered. I couldn't think of words, so I just nodded. He smiled, watching me, and then did his own line. I felt young, and free, like nothing could ever drag me down. And there he sat, the King of Youth himself, just grinning like an idiot at me.
"Alan." He said happily.
"You said my name wrong." We both just laughed until it hurt.
"Can I kiss you?" He asked. My head was actually spinning, and his voice sounded like it was coming from somewhere else.
"I'm dating Austin, if that wasn't- um, if that wasn't apparent yet." I stuttered, my throat feeling strange. He frowned, but it kinda looked like the walls were about to melt off behind him, so I didn't pay attention. Little whispers ghosted around my mind, but I ignored them, too. I was so sick of hearing things that didn't exist. I was sick of being wrong, and weird, and strange.
"But, Alan, come on." He whined. Nothing was making sense. I just shrugged. He'd recently gotten his bottom lip pierced, and the little stone glittered, way brighter than normal. In fact, River's entire form was glowing. I loved that, sometimes. It was like a highlighter. Is this supposed to mean something? I wondered. My body felt so heavy, so I lied back on the ground. He crawled over, looking worriedly at me.
"Are you okay?" He asked, touching my face.
"I have schizophrenia." I said randomly, forgetting that that wasn't something I was supposed to share. His eyes widened, and he got closer.
"Oh, shit. I should not have given you this." He looked so sorry that it brought my mood down.
"No way, I feel awesome. Thanks, River." I smiled, closing my eyes for a minute. His head found its way to my shoulder, and his arms wrapped around my torso. And I let him, simply because it felt nice. My head felt almost like and bubbling pot of delusions, at that point. Everything was spinning, and melting, and cracking. Inside my chest, there was this seed of fear, but I couldn't find it in myself to focus.
Austin could go read books and watching movies and be as boring as he wanted. Despite the fact that I was hearing and seeing things that I shouldn't have, everything else was good. It felt so, so good.
"Alan?" River mumbled into my neck. "I want you. I want you more than I've ever wanted anything. Please." He mumbled, clinging to me tighter. "We could be so free." My chest squeezed, but I wasn't sure if it was in sympathy or if my heart was beating too fast again from the coke.
"I don't think I feel the same." The words were like little clouds that floated from my lips and hung in the air. River sighed, burying his head in my chest.
"I'm sorry." I mumbled, brushing some hair behind his ear.
"It's okay. I didn't really expect you to like me back." He muttered. The room began shaking, but I did my best to dismiss it.
"I love you, River. But not like I love Austin. Even if he is a gigantic dick." I laughed, and so did my friend. It was kind of depressing, but then again, I almost felt like my body was slipping away. I had little to no grasp on anything that was happening, other than that, it felt good.
"I love you, too." He murmured. "Just one kiss. And if you don't want me after that, I'll never bring it up again. You won't even remember that I said any of it tomorrow." He promised.
"Just one kiss?" I mumbled. I felt his head nod on me. "Sure, then. One kiss, I guess."
"I will do my best," He said, grinning and crawling on top of me, "to make it a wonderful kiss. I'm a little high right now, though, so I apologize if it's sloppy." We both cracked up, just giggling and laughing until he regained his composure. Then, leaning in quickly, River kissed me. His hands wrapped around my shoulders, and I kissed him back. It felt nice. It wasn't really like kissing Jake, or like kissing Austin. Somewhere in the middle. I think River kissed me for a really long time before he pulled away.
"That was way more than one kiss." I slurred, laughing at the way the lights were dancing.
"Our lips were touching the whole time. That counts as one." He defended.
"Whatever." I laughed, my hands secured around his waist. It felt like my whole perception was off, and I couldn't really judge anything I was doing. Did I just cheat on Austin? I couldn't tell, but my body felt so good, like a balloon floating away. It was great.
"So," He wrung his hands, still sitting in my lap, "what did you think?"
"It was a nice kiss." I murmured. River cracked a smile. It was blurry. Everything was blurry.
"Can we do it again?" He asked. I didn't know how to respond. Did it feel good? Yeah. Why wouldn't you do it again? Austin sure as hell isn't here right now, he obviously doesn't care. He never wanted you in the first place.
"Okay, sure." I mumbled, still laying back against the floor. River grinned, and kissed me, hard. His piercing bit into my lip, making it sting a little. I still kissed back, trying to not picture Austin on top of me right now. After a minute, I pushed him off. It felt wrong, and I almost felt like I was going to throw up. Not from kissing him, from the coke.
"Are you okay?" He asked. I shook my head 'no'. Loud thundering claps filled my head, forcing me to curl into a fetal position. I wished Austin was here to help me. He always knew what to do. He'd ruin all the fun. This wasn't fun, though! The coke pretty much put my schizophrenia on steroids.
"Austin..." I whimpered, pulling my knees into my chest. HE HATES YOU, YOU WORTHLESS CHEATING TRASH.
"I didn't mean to..." I cried softly, covering my ears . But it was inside my head, screaming and pounding to be set free. River was talking, but I couldn't hear him. I heard nothing but the accusations, the paranoia, and the sickness.