I Saw Her

10th September, 2019

Dear Diary,

It's been three days, and well, still no call. *Plays crying sound on tape recorder* They fired me 3 days ago on 7th, on my birthday, and well they haven't called, so they didn't need my help. So I decided to write a new script. I'm a quick, yet a lazy writer, but I wanted to get my life back on track. So I decided to re-write for a different film. But it'll still be on my resume that I was fired. So well let me start again. Hello readers, and this is my tape. Uhhhh, well it's my diary entry. Just scrap it, let me keep it for the TV show, either way it's too depressing. I guess even Hannah wouldn't be angry now, now that I didn't copy.

I started writing the script for a medieval war movie. I didn't want to involve Swill this time cause he's too busy with food. And the fact that Sofia and Hobart won his heart so he might put them in the film again. Wait! Did I tell you that I have started drinking? Well it's not because of me getting fired. Maybe I'll just hit myself with this Academy Award as a hangover cure. It's true what Gandhi said. 'A true writer must never give up.' I might've said something wrong there, but it's not like I can do anything about it, can I? Or can I? It's true what Gandhi said. 'A true writer must never give up.' Nope, I simply can't strike this through, too drunk to do it right now. I guess I'll just finish with my stupid diary entry. I'm gonna sell this for a million bucks and give them to my children. So where was I? Oh right, at home, hahaha, FYI please try to ignore this, at this point in life, only this kind of humour makes me laugh.

And well there was a knock on the door. Me belonging to a filmy background said, "Who goes there?" And then just like any average human, I opened the door. Why do I do this? Why can't I be a normal human being? At the door was Liz and Swill. "Hello Swill and Mrs Doctor." They waved at me and entered inside. I closed the door and let them in before they, you know, could come in, which they already did. "So there has been an incident, I'm not good at action scenes and we burnt down the set, and now I need your help in choreographing the action scenes and being my co-director." Liz replied, "Ummm, that's not what happened. This guy is so busy eating all day, he fell asleep while shooting and some idiots decided to do a nude photoshoot. So I told him about what had happened that day and he decided to hire you back."

I shook my head, "To be honest, what he said sounded more believable and I would've believed it if anyone else would've said it. Well if you want me to be a co-director, I'll do it, as long as I have some respect among the cast and staff. Also, I want those pictures deleted from the camera roll, because you know why." Swill and Liz headed for the door. "Yeah yeah we'll do it. So tomorrow, 5 am?" I put my hand on my head, "What do you mean 5 am? You don't even wake up till 7. I'll see you at 8." "Actually we need to take a few shots at dawn, so 5 am would be the perfect time. We won't even see Shaun, so perfect time." I shook my head once again as they left. I guess I'm back in the film, yay! I'll be able to see Sofia, yay! And I'll have to see Hobart, boo! But still yay!

Dear Diary,

Wait wait, scratch that, oh wait, you already wrote that? Why are you writing this? Stop! Stop! Lkjhfdaa. Why the hell is a cat walking over the typewriter. You know, just stop writing. I'll do it myself. Didn't I tell you....

Oh hey! Hello! I said that didn't I? So well I hired a typist cuz I was too drunk. But now I'm sober so I don't need a typist. So well I killed him with this typewriter and buried him. Haha just kidding, I threw his body in the neighbour's yard. Well today's the day I rejoin the movie. It should be on a new page but I had some place left so I decided to continue. Hey wait, I forgot, I write stuff in a diary, why am I typing this? Ummm this is awkward. I'll just staple these and restart in the diary. I should stop drinking. I need Rehab. Or shouldn't it be Hab? Cause I don't think I have Habilitation to Rehabilitation. Also what does Habilitation mean?