HEALING THE SCARS

CHAPTER 13

DYLAN

What happened last night? I wake up with a very severe headache. I must've taken too much last night. I remember after coming back home with Penelope I had taken half a bottle of whiskey on my own. I sit up but I don't find her in bed. Where the hell had she gone to? I recall ordering her to sleep in the bed. To be honest I think I just felt guilty for mishandling her at the club and I didn't want her to sleep on the couch. That would've been so uncomfortable. I was also guilty about throwing it in her face that Lindsey and I were sleeping together but she knew that our marriage was just a sham, right? That I was allowed to sleep with anyone I wanted. I got up from the bed pulling the sheets out with me. Wait, how am I naked? What the hell had happened last night? I turn to pick up the sheets and return them to the bed so I can look for my briefs but the sight that meets my eyes is confusing.

There are stains of blood all over the sheet and that's when I look down at my body. Did I have sex with Penelope? Was she a virgin? I am so confused and terrified at the same time. I need answers immediately.

''Penelope!'' I shout and head for the living room in case she had slept on the couch but she is not there. Neither is she in the dining area or the kitchen. Had she seduced me and run away? I need to know and at this moment I can't remember a thing. I go to check into the bathroom but it is locked. I heave a sigh of relief that I didn't even know I was holding in. She has not left me. She is still here. 

"Penelope! Penelope, open up. What are you doing in there." I bang on the door for a while but she doesn't open up. I hear some movement from inside there and I know she is inside. I decide to grab my phone and call the front desk and I urgently request an extra key. One is brought to our room and I thank them. I have to open the door, I need to know what is going on. On opening the door I am shocked to see a scared Penelope crouched at the furthest corner of the room. She has covered herself in sheets and is shielding herself. From me? 

"Why are you behaving so weird? What is wrong?"I say as I get into the bathroom and head towards her. She holds on tighter to the sheets and moves even more into the wall.

"Please, I'm sorry I slept in here. I just want to be left alone. Please..." she whispered. Wait, was she crying? Had she slept in the bathroom? What was her problem? 

"Look at me when I'm speaking to you, Penelope," I said. She looks up at me. I see nothing but hurt and sadness in her eyes. Her whole face is red and swollen. 

"Did I hit you?" I ask, scared of what the answer will be but she shakes her head. I instantly feel a weight lift off of me and I  kneel to her level and hold her face in my hands. She flicks and pulls her head away.

"What happened last night Penelope? Be honest with me" I ask. She remains quiet and tears well up in her eyes again. 

"Come with me. There's something I want to show you," I say and hold out my hand for her to take. After hesitating, she ignores my hand and rises on her own. I walk out of the bathroom and she follows me to the bedroom.

"Look at the bed Penelope, it has blood stains. Please tell me what happened, right now. "I demand. I look at her and notice she flinches and moves away from me. "Penelope speak up," I plead with her.

"You slept with me. It's over and done with. It is no big deal just let me be on my own." she whispers but I had heard her loud and clear. 

"Did...did I force myself on you? Did I rape you?" I ask, afraid of the next words that come from her mouth. What had I done to her? I move towards her to try and atone for what I had done but she moves away from me. "Penelope please, I... I need to know what I did." 

"I don't know. Maybe or not. I don't fucking know. You took my virginity." She says and runs back to the bathroom and I can hear her vomit.

I move my hand through my hair. Frustrated. What did she mean she was not sure? Had I raped her? What had happened? What had I done to her? What had I become? I was turning into my dad all over again. I had promised myself that I would never become him. No, no she must be lying. I have no recollection of last night's events. I have to speak to her. To let her know that I never meant to hurt her. I have to tell her I was only drunk and that I would never do that to her. I try banging on the door severally but she won't let me in. 

"Penelope, please, please just let me in." But she doesn't let me in. I hear the shower running and I know she must been washing herself again. I had defiled her. I had taken her virginity and I remembered nothing.

I have to get to her, I have to talk to her. To let her know that I wasn't this man. I tugged on the door once more with the key I had been given. I hadn't even realised I was still in my pair of briefs but I don't care or think about that. I just want to talk to her. She is in the shower and must have not heard me get in. I see how hard she is scrubbing herself. I walk up to her, open the door, and get in. She is shocked and moves away.

" I am not going to hurt you, Penelope, I swear. I just want you to tell me exactly what happened." I say with worry in my tone.

"Did I hurt you? Did I hit you? Did I rape you?" I ask all at once as the water falls on us both.

"You did not rape me. Neither did you hit me. We had sex. I told you to stop, you made me come over and over again, you marked my body as if it belongs to you, you tore into me, you fucked me. Is that what you want to hear? Is it? That it was exhilarating, that I enjoyed it until you got rough with me? That you left me feeling hollow and empty? Fuck off, Dylan. I can't change it. You can't change it either. It's done." She says and my eyes trail her body as I see the marks I left on her.

I stand there, letting her words sink in, feeling a mix of guilt, confusion, and anger at myself. The water keeps pouring down on us, but it does nothing to wash away the turmoil inside me.

"Penelope, I'm so sorry," I say, my voice cracking. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I was drunk, but that's no excuse. I need to make this right. Please, tell me how I can make this right."

She looks at me with a mixture of despair and anger. "You can't make it right, Dylan. You can't undo what's been done. Just... just leave me alone."

"Penelope, please," I beg, stepping closer, but she backs away.

"No, Dylan. I can't allow you to do this," she says firmly. "I need time. I need space. I can't deal with you right now."