HEALING THE SCARS

CHAPTER 14

PENELOPE

"Dylan, I don't want to talk about any of this," I cry, my voice breaking. He stands in the shower with me, the water cascading down, and I am begging him not to make me talk about it. I move away until I reach the glass walls of the shower and can't move anymore.

"Penelope, I'm sorry. Please, you have to believe me," he says, moving closer. His eyes look desperate. Is he serious? Is he pretending not to remember what happened last night? Is he being truthful, or is he just saying that because he feels guilty?

"Do you not remember anything?" I ask, my voice trembling. "Do you not remember how you... how you hurt me? How you made me feel? Then you left me hollow and empty. As if all you needed was to satisfy your need for control over me."

"I had too much to drink," he says, his voice raw with regret. "I don't know what happened last night. I can't remember anything. Please forgive me." He pulls me into a tight hug, his body warm against mine. I start crying again, my sobs muffled against his chest. "I'm so sorry, Penelope. Please, you have to understand that I never meant to harm you. I know what I did is unforgivable, but in my right mind and state, I am not that person."

"You don't understand," I whisper, my voice shaky. "You made me feel... so small, so powerless. You took something from me that I can never get back all because you didn't listen, because your ego was too big."

"I know, I know," he says, his voice thick with guilt. "I'm a monster. I can't undo what I've done, but I need you to know that I would never intentionally hurt you. Your first time should have been special and I ruined that. Please, believe me. I was drunk, and out of control."

"I don't know if I can," I admit, tears streaming down my face. "I don't know if I can ever look at you the same way again." I can't help but ask myself why I can't forgive him. Is it him I cannot forgive or is it myself I cannot forgive for enjoying every moment of the pleasure he gave me? For enjoying every mark he left on my body, every kiss, every thrust...I remember it all and my body reacts without much thought.

He holds me tighter, running his hand over my hair. "I promise, Penelope, I will do everything in my power to make this right."

I don't even notice he is in his briefs until I feel the warmth from his body. We stand there for what feels like forever, and I suddenly feel very tired and drowsy. My eyes flutter shut, and when I open them, he is calling my name and lifting me. We are both drenched from the running water. He carries me out of the bathroom, and I let him. He sets me down on the bedside couch to sit while he changes the sheets. 

"You should change into something dry," he says softly, giving me space. I nod and change clothes like he has, feeling numb. When I am done, he comes back, carries me to the bed, and covers me with the sheets.

"Try to get some sleep, okay?" he says, kissing my forehead. I flinch, and he notices, stepping back immediately. "I'm sorry," he whispers, his voice full of pain.

I close my eyes, trying to block out everything. I hear him moving around, and I sneak a peek to see what Dylan is doing. He is pacing the room, running his fingers through his hair, looking so frustrated. Then, without warning, he punches the mirror on the dressing table, shattering it into pieces. He notices me flinch and immediately starts picking up the broken shards.

"Penelope, I'm so sorry," he says, his voice breaking. "I never wanted this. I never wanted to hurt you. Please, believe me." I close my eyes tightly, trying to shut out his voice, his presence, because I am not sure he forced me into this. I had wanted every moment of it, just not the way it happened. Eventually, exhaustion takes over, and I drift off to sleep, my mind still haunted by the events of the night before.