HEALING THE SCARS

CHAPTER 31

PENELOPE

I drag myself home after Dylan leaves, feeling emotionally drained and physically exhausted. The weight of everything presses down on me as I enter the house. Mabel has already put the boys to bed, but I need to see my son. I quietly slip into Jason's room, gently waking him with a soft kiss on his forehead.

"Mummy, was that my daddy?" Jason's sleepy voice tugs at my heartstrings.

"Jason, go back to sleep, baby. I'll tell you everything tomorrow, okay?" I try to soothe him, but he's persistent.

"No, Mum, tell me now. Is he?"

I take a deep breath, my voice trembling slightly. "Yes, baby. He is your father."

His little face scrunches up in confusion. "Is he a bad man?"

The question hits me hard. I wish I could give him a simple answer. "I don't know, baby."

Jason reaches up, wiping away a tear I hadn't realized had fallen. "Why are you crying, Mummy? Did he do something bad to you? If he did, I'll wear my Superman costume and fly to him and shoot him with my laser beam eyes, okay Mummy? Don't cry."

I can't help but smile through the tears. "Yes, my baby. You're my superhero. I love you so much. Now go to sleep, okay? Tomorrow is your birthday, and you need lots of sleep tonight."

"I love you too, Mummy. Goodnight."

I watch as he drifts back to sleep, my heart aching with love and sorrow. After kissing Andrew goodnight and turning off his lights, I head to the living room where Mabel is engrossed in her phone.

"You seem busy?" I ask, trying to distract myself from the storm brewing inside me.

Mabel barely looks up. "I'm googling reasons why I can't get pregnant. It's all I can think about lately."

"Mabel, you need to stop stressing. Seriously. We didn't even finish our conversation earlier."

She sighs, finally putting her phone down. "Yeah, true, but that doesn't mean you get to avoid telling me what happened with Dylan."

The memory of what happened in that room floods back, and shame crashes over me. "We had sex before we went into the office. I'm ashamed, Mabel. I don't want to talk about it. I let him touch me again... I'm so weak. He wants to see Jason, but I can't let him. I told him about Nicole, and I agreed to take him to her grave. But I don't want him back in my life, Mabel."

Mabel pulls me into a comforting embrace. "Stop crying, P. Come here." I collapse next to her, feeling safe enough to let it all out.

"Do you still love him?" she asks gently.

I shake my head, frustrated. "I don't know, Mabel. I have no idea what I feel right now."

"It's okay, P. Don't stress too much about it right now. I'm sure Joey knows everything by now. They probably think I'm selfish for keeping your secret."

I sigh, feeling guilty. "I'm sorry, Mabel. I didn't mean to drag you into this mess."

Mabel shakes her head, brushing it off. "It's okay, P. I'd do it a thousand times over for you."

I look at her, concern clouding my thoughts. "Mabel, I think Joey is scared that he's the reason you can't get pregnant. When you told him the doctor said you were fine, he filled in the blanks and assumed he was the problem. He thinks he's the cause of your unhappiness, and that's why he's been so distant."

Mabel's eyes widen in realization. "Oh my God, P. I never even thought of it like that. He's been hurting all this time, and I've just been giving him the cold shoulder?"