Why Hello Mr. Nerd (HOLD)

Baby Boys and Inexplicable Feelings

Chapter 13

... Baby Boys and Inexplicable Feelings...

Auden Clark

Donovan blinked rapidly as he looked around the park, eyes never setting in one place and never looking straight at me. His neck was a stained red as were his ears and he kept opening and closing his mouth as if he were at a loss of speech.

And I... I saw red, I felt fire in my fingertips and then spreading through my whole body as he tried to keep a safe distance so I wouldn't see the blemishes. "I-I uh... I fell," he muttered, that small stutter slipping in as my fists clenched.

I knew that line, hell, I used that line.

Glaring, I walked closer and sat down on the small bench, he turned his face away from me. I breathed in and out, loudly as I tried to calm myself down as the breeze calmed me from the irritation of his hesitation. His voice was barely there and it was empty, his lips chapped and bitten raw and the way I could feel him distancing himself...

"Donny, don't lie to me..." I trailed off as he focused his gaze on his converse, the laces untied. His hair was a mess peeking out from under his hood, his hands were shaking and his stature was awkward. Moving to crouch down in front of him, I put my hand lightly on his right cheek, sliding the hood off his head.

That was a mistake if my heart had anything to do with it. I could physically feel my lungs tightening, my chest restricting and my throat clogging. I wanted to scream when I witnessed the multiple scrapes and bruises, scratches, dried blood paired with a faint black eye, I clenched my fists around his hood.

I was pissed.

Pissed that someone had the nerve to go after him. Pissed that he wouldn't tell me who. Pissed that it might've been my fault. Was it someone I knew?

Standing, I started to pace, only slightly unaware that the child was still there staring at me.

Deep breaths, Auden. Deep breaths.

Closing my eyes shut tightly, I walked over and kicked a trash can once. And again, and again until I couldn't feel my toes through my combat boots. I wanted to scream, I wanted to fight and I didn't know who to fight. My chest tightened again at that thought and I never cried but I could feel the tears welling.

Deep breaths, Auden. Deep breaths.

Tangling my hands in my hair, I spun around and opened my eyes. Witnessing the cuts on his innocent face again as he watched me with wide eyes. His innocence pissed me off even further, he couldn't have done anything to anyone, I knew him.

Ten. Nine. Eight. I counted taking in a deep breath and tapping my foot as I counted.

Seven. Six. Five. I released the breath I was holding before breathing in again.

Four. Three. Release.

Two. Breathe.

One.

Release.

Letting out a mangled breath, I closed my eyes and opened them once again, I still hadn't stopped pacing, my nails digging into the skin on my palms.

It wasn't working.

I'd never felt that angry and upset in my life, my breathing was coming out jagged and harsh as I flickered my eyes to his coffee brown ones and I didn't get exactly why this affected me so much but all I cared about was protecting him.

Someone hurt him.

"Tell me who the fuck it was," I said loudly, kicking the trash can again. Rage had blindsided me and I couldn't stop seeing the bruises even when I turned away from him.  "I swear, I'll kick his ass so hard, he'll regret ever laying a finger on you!"

I audibly heard his gulp as he whispered something to the kid and stood, the child running over to a woman cloaked in a red jacket.

Must've been his mom.

"A-Auden..." Donovan whispered hoarsely, gently laying a hand on my shoulder, stopping me in my tracks when my entire arm shocked and I froze in place. He didn't get to have this effect on me, he didn't get to calm me down when someone had attacked him.

Backing up, I shrugged him off me reluctantly and the shock was gone.

"Tell me."

He looked down at his scuffed converse, not saying a word and everything he seemed to be doing was pissing me off. He was too passive when I felt like setting the whole world on fire. We were complete opposites and it hurt too much to admit that that scared me.

"Donovan!" I yelled as I brought my hands up to grab his shoulder and shake him out of his reveire, he flinched. He flinched so hard when I went to touch him, I could feel his breath labored, my own chest constricting and the thought that anyone could make him this vulnerable.

His eyes, they were empty, almost as much as his words and I hated it. Donovan was modest  but he wasn't the type to completely blank, at least that was what I thought. Getting beat up would bring out the worst in anyone... so why did I hate it so much when it was him? When he was icing me out and alienating me from the equation. I just wanted to help.

"I cant..." he whispered before clearing his throat, and then he spoke louder, "I-I can't tell you, Auden."

Glaring furiously, I stepped back. He didn't trust me, he didn't care to let me in and I couldn't even be mad at anyone except myself. I was horrible for him, his life was so much simpler before I'd inserted myself, I was danger walking and anyone who wasn't as intimidating as me would inevitably have a target on their back. But I hadn't introduced Donny to anyone? 

"Well, why the hell not?" I asked through gritted teeth. Who? That's al I needed to know and I would take care of it, I would take care of a million its.

He shook his head, "Why do you e-even care? We're... we're n-not even friends." he whispered and somehow those words were louder than ever.

I didn't understand that he didn't mean it offensively and at that, I felt a cold chill racing through my body. I was taken back by his words. Why did I care? He wasn't even my friend, he was just some weird ass need I was using to prove a point and I was some bad influence so why did I care so much about him?

You shouldn't.

"You're right..." I said backing up; for some reason, him saying it hurt way more than I thought it would. He didn't care, I didn't either.  "I don't care." So why did my voice crack? Why did my eyes unfocus when looking into his, why was he able to slow me down? Why did I flip out?

My eyes darted around before settling back on Donovan once again but this time, I was shaking my head, fighting off my emotions again.

I didn't care about him.

So why did it feel so hard to turn around?