if i believe you ✓

→ FORTY-THREE

WITH THAT, COLE LEAVES AGAIN, and the four of them are left alone. Luke is in tears, Ashton's still furious, Calum's just scared and Michael doesn't know how to feel.

"We have to go on stage." Luke chokes out, nodding as he says the words as if that'll make him actually want to do it. It feels like something is clawing violently at his throat, begging for Luke to let the darkness absorb him, just like it did the year before. "We have to."

Michael frowns, and gently taps Luke on the shoulder in a faint gesture of comfort. "Luke, if you're like this, we can't, it'll just make you worse."

He's not going to lie to himself and pretend like he knows for a fact that he'd be a better boyfriend or even husband to Luke than Cole, but Michael has Kieran now. Sure, he used to find himself falling for Luke everyday, but now the feelings are just a sort of tiny voice in the back of his mind yearning for the nostalgia of the Sounds Good Feels Good era.

Still, the constant urge to protect Luke from everything that might hurt him will always overwhelm Michael's system, and that's partially why he doesn't want them to do the show - for his own sanity rather than Luke's well-being. He's gotten over worse than this before, so he'll be fine.

As they talk, Calum is strumming his bass experimentally at the back of the room, and casually plays a few of his bass lines, which makes Luke breathe a little more and feel a little more optimistic. Sure, boyfriends and girlfriends and dating and romance in general is fucked, but at least he'll always have the three of them against the world.

"No, I'll be OK, Mikey." With a small smile, Luke dries the final few tears from his eyes and stands up quickly, before striding across the room and retrieving his guitar. "It'll all be fine." The dizziness absorbing his brain is trying to coax him back into the real world.

Ashton grins at the sight of Luke happy, before slapping him hard on the back. "That's the fuckin' spirit! Now, let's rock Japan?"

There's a small spark of excitement in the younger boy, which eventually flares up to a bonfire of pure adrenaline. He returns Ashton's grin and hooks his arm around Michael's as they walk out from backstage to the roars of the crowd. "Hell yeah, let's rock Japan!"