hi.
its been a long time.
since i last wrote i had
the worst summer of my life
finally got the guy of my dreams
and have been flying through the best worst year of my life.
i don't expect anyone to read this because i don't matter on here.
my words only matter to myself, really. but it's nice to write them down and get them off my chest.
i couldn't begin to explain my deepest feelings from april 2017 until now. which is kinda good. i can't relive that anymore.
2018 is almost over. i realized that my childhood is ending and my long-time friendships are weakening. i realized that my friends do not reach out to me like i reach out to them. i realized that relationships are hard work, and boys need love too. i realized that i am a mean, mean girl. i am mean to everyone but they may not know. i realized that i have some awful intrusive thoughts, but i also realized that i am a child of the Earth.
i've reconnected with myself through spirituality. i have good days and bad days. i am a happy kid. i have nothing to complain about, and i recognize most of my angst is from my age and hormones. i know the pain i feel is fleeting and i know i am an emotional being.
i think this might be the year i've cried the most. i've had some bad moments with my self and others. as you know, i have lost one of my closest friends. she was one of the sweetest people i've ever known. and another one of the sweetest people i've ever known lost their life the same way, in the same time, three years apart.
it leads me to believe this is intentional, and that breaks my heart. it pushes me to try harder and at my worst realize that i have the world.
i just needed to get this off my chest. so. thank you.
bye for now.
v
