The smoke floods the atmosphere, slowly separating all over the place.
It wasn't my first time. And it sure as hell won't be the last.
Cigarettes are bad. And I knew it.
It's crazy what love can make you do.
What broken love, can make you do.
Because now, I do cigs.
I feel terrible, but I also feel at peace.
Inhaling it feels like all the worlds problems, my anxiety, my depression, coming at me. And exhaling it?
Exhaling it is a whole other feeling. A feeling of letting it all go. A feeling that makes it all go away. That I have no problems, anxiety, or depression.
My mom called me two hours ago, checking up on my health. She really is the light of my life. So is my dad. They both are.
They don't know what I'm going through. Because if they did, they would never leave my side.
I throw the cig to the ground, crushing it with my shoe. I walk up to the door, reading the sign: PETCO.
This is it. I walk in, greeted with happy faces and welcomes. They look so happy. Who wouldn't, they work with pets. Maybe I should work here.
"Hi, I wanted to know how I can adopt a dog?"
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I pet her fur, rubbing her soft head. She was 4 years old.
She wasn't very small, but also not that big.
She was my new best friend.
"You and I are going to have lots of talks young lady." I said pecking her nose.
"Like right now. Don't ever date guys. EVER. They are the worst." I sigh, laying down on my carpet. I pull her up onto my stomach, staring into her innocent little eyes.
She is truly, the new source of my happiness.
The doorbell rang, causing my head to instantly shoot up.
I already knew who it was. I walk over, opening the door. I being out the fake smile, and hug my best friend.
James.
He's been there for me through thick and thin and i don't know what I would do without him.
He's obviously still friends with the twins. I mean... why would he not be?
"Have you talked to Grayson at least?"
James asks me everyday, if I've talked to one of the two.
Grayson and I have said hi here and there, but why would he talk to his brothers ex?
"No, but I saw them at Rite Aid today," I say sighing.
"Ethan, too?"
"Yes. I bumped into him. I didn't know what to do! So I just said sorry and ran off like a pussy." I groaned putting my head in my hands.
"Hey, don't worry. It'll work out," James said rubbing my back.
"No it won't," I whispered. I felt the tears coming in already. My vision was getting blurry but I didn't want the tears to fall. I was too heartbroken.
But I was tired of being heartbroken.
"Aw, babygirl don't cry." He said pulling me into a hug. I let out the sobs on his shoulder.
"I'm sorry, it's just. It hurts to lose someone. But it hurts even more when you lose them for something you didn't do."
