The Sky Demons Part One: Journey

Chapter Twenty-two- Death date

Warning: the first two pages of this chapter involve the narrating character having a panic attack. If for any reason you don't want to read about it then please skip to the next part which is a safe version of this chapter containing a summary of what you have missed and the rest of the chapter.

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Serefk'na- Death date

I no longer remember which one of us first suggested that there might be another reason for our persecution, but I do remember the time I spent in the free moments of every day wondering what it might be. It became a habit of mine to invent possible reasons for the way people treated me and imagine how I would solve the problem once I knew what it was.

That it might be like this never occurred to me. I don't know how to make this better. How do I reverse the effects of an attempted assassination on people who died long ago? How do I make up for the fact that I was born with too much power too control? How do I make up for the fact that I'm going to die in my forties?

I began shivering and curled in tighter on myself on my bed, moving slightly away from Amber in the process. Amber sat up and stared at me with huge eyes, her tail curled into a question mark. I felt concern and confusion well up in the back of my mind as she put a paw on my leg, wondering what was wrong. She didn't understand what Jia had told us, all she knew of the situation was the fear and anxiety raging around my head and the shaking that was starting up through my whole body.

I breathed in slowly for four seconds and then back out for even longer, trying to catch my thoughts, rein them in and lock the bad ones away. Instead they raged further, chasing every other part of me away and filling my head.

I'm going to die and I know exactly when.

We're never going to find acceptance.

I'm going to be hunted for the rest of my life.

And that's not going to be as long as most.

There's no hope left.

I would have been better off never existing.

Nausea bit into my stomach and throat and the shaking got worse, Amber pawed at my leg again and I recoiled; I didn't want anything touching me, not even the air. But then I didn't want to die either.

I'm going to though, and it's going to be painful and scary and I'll be alone.

Amber sat at the other end of the bed, watching me. I could feel her worry swirling through my mind, aggravating the poison in it. She retreated from our link but I didn't like that much either.

I felt hot and sick and my throat had gone dry. I clenched my teeth tight until they were the only part of me not violently shaking.

There were footsteps in the hallway and someone knocked on the door.

No don't come in, I don't want you to come in.

I'm going to die.

I'll never have peace.

I want help, but you don't know how, so please don't come in.

"Serry?" a voice called, I couldn't even work out who it was. I tried to muster my voice to answer but all I felt was the sickness and the thoughts in my head that didn't want to make room for other words. I shut my eyes and tried to shove them away.

Stop this, you're being ridiculous.

I'm going to die.

Why do you always have to do this, are you just incapable of coping with anything? No one else ever acts like this.