Car Madness

Porsche Madeleine

Okay, this is where car madness starts to resemble a rant book. Some of the places the car industry is going I don't like at all.

One of those, is Soft Roaders, or Chelsea Tractors... whatever you want to call them. Off-Road vehicles for road use. People have been moaning about this shit for well over ten years now, so this is going to sound really old...

Every time I see a new Soft Roader I hate them a little bit more. I am never ever going to accept these things, unless I have kids one day, in which case I'll buy the most tank-like thing I can afford so I'll always come out top dog in a crash.

Remind me never to have kids. I will never be one of them.

Well I'm moaning about the latest Porsche SUV. Porsche have done a couple of these things... basically tweaked and rebadged Audi Q7's... (I also hate the Q7)

But this is the new one, the Macan. That's the first thing that pissed me off, the name. Apparently it's Indonesian for "tiger". Well shit... I didn't know Porsche gave a damn about indonesian tigers. How many cars do they sell there???

But this thing is fast... the big engined tiger does 0-60 in 4.7 seconds... I'm gonna steal a little extract from Autocar, which is where I read about this. They said...

"Does the world need a car like this? No. But Porsche decided to make it anyway."

Exactly, Autocar. These things should all be crushed. Porsche used to make sports cars out of bits of old VW Beetles... now this? They never made anything that wasn't fast and light... and low to the ground. This thing of evil has got to weigh between two and three tonnes.

I got the impression that Autocar's test drivers liked driving it, even though they hated the car itself... Somehow Porsche have made it feel low and sporty at the same time as having that high up "I am invincible" driving position.

I didn't like the Range Rover Evoque when that was unleashed on the world... But this massive twatmobile has out the Evoque in the shade. The Rangie that was once queen of the school run is now the underdog.

Fashion moves on.

When Autocar got to test the Macan it was already sold out. Motoring press had a car to test, but not the public.

I think it was twenty thousand cars, all gone before any single one of those customers got to test drive it.

What kind of moron buys a car without test driving it?

(Well, apart from me... I did that, but it's even more awesome than I thought, and a second hand car, so that's different.)

What kind of moron buys this kind of car???

Why are there so many of these morons??????

Why do they have the money to spend on a brand new Porsche?????????????

What the fuck?