Lessons From Romance

Reproach

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Namjoo slept for another really long time again. When she finally got up, ate, and sat down the doorbell was ringing again. While sipping away calmly at her cup of coffee she listened to Luhan's distant voice calling for her as he knocked on her door. It came again and again and again. When she got to her second cup of coffee he was still there.

The hours went by with her sitting quietly in the kitchen, calmly staring into space. When his calls silenced she moved into the living room to stare at the dead TV. Her blurred reflection mirrored her soul in a distorted slur.

She hadn't been able to think since lying in bed, but now that she was sitting there alone as she always had, she was finally determined to clear things through.

Chae Yoon, as she always knew, had one man after another. Dating was as easy as failing an exam. Luhan was just one of those men in her life. Relationships were her everything; her first priority. Namjoo was used to it. She knew that Chae Yoon's main focus was on men; her life simply revolved around them.

Luhan...she wasn't sure if she ever really knew him. Namjoo really had to question his sincerity. She'd been genuine with him all along, but what about him? He, after all, had been involved with Chae Yoon. Was he always that depressed man she first met? Or was he not? She couldn't tell what had ever been important to him at all. She was finally realizing that she never realy got to know him, but he'd taken to doing all sorts of gestures for her. Yet, she couldn't trust him. Going all the way out to the countryside for her could have been an act. She believed he would have been willing to go that far to trick her. The way he'd talked about his ex at first, the very which way he'd cried miserably made Namjoo think even more. He'd used her for Chae Yoon.

When she thought about how much of a fool she'd been, she wanted to throw her fist. She must have looked funny, gullible, and dumb. Letting him watch her cry, allowing him to hear her secrets, and talking randomly to him; even sharing her life made her tremble in embarrassment. He must've been disgusted when she talked about Kai. Behind that face he put on, how much he had laughed in secret at her...Namjoo felt bitter.

It must have been fun playing with her; so fun that he hadn't been able to stop.

And Ki Chan. He'd also been swayed by Chae Yoon. The three of them, whether they were lying to her or not didn't so much matter.

Standing up Namjoo walked over to her window and stared outside. The yellow headlights of cars coming and going glowed in the night sky. Along with the bright business lights they swirled into the sky brilliantly. What a shine, she thought, what a shine.

Namjoo would admit that she was hurt. She'd thought Luhan would be someone she could trust, but she'd made a foolish mistake. She had even allowed her emotions to lead her on and that was most disappointing. For a moment, she'd really liked him and that made her angriest. Like usual, she was always alone. From beginning to end, nothing had changed. She would never bare her soul to anyone alive.

Namjoo was used to alone, but this time she wouldn't be the bigger person. From now on she wouldn't do it again.

Crossing her arms she stiffened her lips and continued following the headlights of those cars.

"You're back?" One of the nurses waved at her with a smile.

"You're finally glowing again after all that rest."

Namjoo smiled back as she walked down the hallway. Yes, she was prepared to live again. Just because she had been fooled again didn't mean she would end things. Running away was immature. Her life was still her life and she knew what she was going to do.