Forever and Always

Chaptee 20: We aren't even a Thing yet

|| Madi ||

This was absolutely breaking my heart. Sitting here, watching my best friend about to pour out her biggest secret because she felt awful and thought she owed an explanation to them was enough to make my hear shatter.

She'd tortured herself over this. She felt so bad, so guilty, that she felt that it was necessary to give all the boys a real explanation as to why she had reacted the way she did.

A reason as to why she was always scared , why she flinched sometimes.

I sat there, bouncing my foot, a nervous tendency of mine. This was so hard to watch. My best friend, was about to do the hardest thing she's ever had to done, all because she felt so awful.

She's always been this way. Too damn caring. She had a heart of gold, and she hated the though of hurting anyone. Caroline obviously didn't want the boys to be hurt, so she felt as if this was necessary.

To tell them the real reason why.

I glanced over at Matt, giving him a smile. Matt picked up on my nerves, and he reached over and squeezed my hand. It was weird, how he could pick up on how I was feeling, without me saying anything at all.

Even weirder, the fact that both Caroline and I were opening up to these guys.

That was yet another thing we had in common, the fear of having our walls broken down.

For as long as I can remember, neither Caroline or I had opened up to anyone, except eachother. Both of our pasts had instilled a fear of vulnerability, letting someone inside.

It was truly hard to believe that she was doing this. I myself would never have the guts. Telling, let alone showing Matt my scars took all the strength and bravery I had.

I didn't know if I'd ever tell Matt my story. Would we ever get that far? Heck, we weren't even a thing yet.

I didn't like to think that way. Matt and I weren't a thing, and I highly doubt we ever will be.

Sure, we had a "date", and we kissed, and had another date, and almost kissed again. And he did see my scars. But that wasn't anything special.

That was him pitying me.

Maybe Matt would break down my walls, or maybe I would keep them up, and shut him out.

One thing was for sure, he was already tearing my walls down. Destroying every barrier I had created. Little by little, I was letting him in. And seeing the state Caroline was in now, I could afford to do that to myself.

In that moment, I made another promise to myself.

I, Madison White, promise to keep my walls strong. I will not let Matt in. No one, besides me, myself, and I (and Caroline, of course), will ever know my story. My secrets will remain secrets, never to be told to anyone.

But even I knew, that I had already broken that promise.

Without any intention, Matt had begun to tear my walls down. And I was letting him in.