Sunshine's Secrets {NCT Donghyuck/Haechan}

Chapter 11: Beneath the Rage

Donghyuck stared at them, spite in his eyes because did they really just discussed where and who he'll be with? He is weak in a lot of aspects but he doesn't need or want anyone looking after him like he's some fragile glass, his mind was enough. He didn't need anymore reason to feel like a deadweight.

Donghyuck just stomp out the room, he's so irritated and kind of pissed, they don't get to make those decisions for him, they shouldn't even make this such a big deal, he wasn't worth it and it's so frustrating to him that they can't see that! The rest of NCT are scattered in the Dream dorms, all turning their head to the vocalist when he came into view.

Surprisingly, Taeil beats the Dreamies to him, engulfing Haechan in a hug as carefully as he could. He stiffs at the contact, why? Why are they like this? The other Dreamies join the hug, everyone else just stared at him with...regret? Worry? Guilt? What the hell? First, those few, then Jisung, now them? It so confusing, so freaking confusing.

"Heachan hyung we're so sorry!! We should've noticed!! We should've known you're hurting..." Chenle cries, gripping onto his shirt so tightly, it'll probably rip a seam if he doesn't let go. Donghyuck wants to roll his eyes but doesn't, he's been dealing it for years, the least he could do was hide it away. "Donghyuck...hyung is so sorry..." Taeil muttered.

This is too much to take in, way too much for him. Donghyuck push them away, causing a few to collectively gasp. "Just.... what is your problem?!?" he snapped,

"Why are you apologizing?! You did nothing wrong!! Why can't any of you just see!?! SEE that I'm just FINE!! I'm trying so freaking hard to fit in and be this stupidly perfect 'Haechan' everyone seems to love. Why do you care?!? You shouldn't care, I...I don't deserve this. STOP doing this...whatever this is!! I don't deserve it!!"

There's silence when he's done, Haechan just let his own words sink in, 'See.... I only hurt you guys....' He wants to run, run away from everything and maybe go back in time and slap some senses into himself for carelessly not covering up. "Hae-"

"NO, from now on. NO one in this room right now can call me that off-camera. There is no Haechan when there's no cameras" he glares, yet his heart is breaking, shaking. Why is he doing this. "Leave me alone" he muttered lastly before fleeing outside. "Hyung, just.... how bad did we let it happen?" Renjun asks Taeyong who just emerges from Donghyuck's room.

"More than I could even imagine, he's been fighting for 5 years.......and we did nothing to help" Taeyong feels like he's seeing a stranger, someone he knows nothing about yet it was the dongseng he's been with for years. Jisung puts an arm on the leader's shoulder, a gesture for comfort.

"Better late than never, I'll go get him hyung" he rushes past all of them and out the door. "Hyung, Jisung! He-"

"Knows what he's doing, maybe we did him wrong too. He wanted to help, but we always push him away. Trying to protect him from something he knew more than most of us" the members cast around guilty faces, "Why.... what does he know?" Jungwoo pry, "I don't think it's our place to tell"

Donghyuck runs, he slams through each door blocking him and pace forward till his legs could no longer carry him. "They shouldn't care......It's easier if they don't......" a jacket covers him, Jisung sat next to him. "Hyung you love us right?" he asks, not really looking at his hyung. "Of course," Jisung turns to look at him.

"We love you too hyung, we want you to be happy as much as you want us to be happy. We want you to stop hurting, to help you, like how you would do the same for us. Give us that chance hyung, no matter how much you don't trust us or yourself, please give us a chance to help you heal"

"I...I don't...it's not that.... yeah, I don't trust you guys or myself, I don't even know who I am anymore, I always thought if I'm Haechan, everything will just run smoothly. But it gets worse, I'm so tired, its so hard but in the end, I still make it through. So, I thought...I thought I could live with this..."

Haechan cried, all the anger, rage from before dispelled leaving only what's beneath the mask. "You can't, but we'll help you hyung. We'll help you learn who Lee Donghyuck is just like how hyungs taught me who Park Jisung is"

"Jisung, maknae-ah.....thank you so much. Don't grow up any faster"

"Hyung, thank you for not pushing me away. I promised, you'll get better"