Sunshine's Secrets {NCT Donghyuck/Haechan}

Chapter 6: Jisung Knows

Jisung can't help but be more observant of his hyung, trying to find signs or anything off. Jisung, being the youngest of 18 members at the age of 16 knew his older members are trying to keep him away from finding out lots of things. They thought they did a good job of hiding, honestly Jisung thinks so too but he's way better at finding out.

It annoys him, how they wouldn't let him in, they wouldn't let him help them. They have good intentions, they wanted to protect him and only let him see the happy things. But that really doesn't mean he didn't want to help whenever Renjun has panic attacks or Mark with his Insomnia. Or that he doesn't know Kun developed an eating disorder or Jungwoo's anxiety. They could hide all they want, but he'll still notice.

"Hyung, is Renjun hyung-" But Jeno would tell Chenle to take him away from the sight of Renjun looking like he couldn't breathe while in tears.

"Jisungie hyung isn't feeling too well.... but hyung is okay really! Just unwell?" He hates seeing that look on Jungwoo hyung's face, he hates even more when he's pushed away.

"Jisung, what are-" but he saw it, sleeping pills. "Hyung......do you have a hard time sleeping?" but Mark laughs it off nervously. "Ahh it's no biggie, hyung's fine"

"Jisung......hyung's sorry but please go out, you can't .... see this" He would tell Chenle, but never him.

There're always pushing him away, not letting him help them. He wants to help them, they're a team, a family, he wanted to just scream about it. They think by knowing, it'll scare him, make him worry more than he needs (He had to admit that the point was proven that day with Haechan passed out and him freaking out, but that's different). From what he has seen going on within 18 of them, nothing he noticed was worse than what he had known.

You see, Jisung isn't like any other 16-year olds, Jisung knows stuff. He learnt things that kids his age aren't supposed to know, that's why ever since when he found Haechan passed out in their practice room, he chose to observe his hyung.

At first, he couldn't catch anything. Nothing looks wrong, Haechan is Haechan. He was about to just close off his thoughts when he actually spots something. Something he didn't realized was there in the beginning, and he for once was actually scared. Because said something was something he's familiar with, too familiar with.

Lee Donghyuck's eyes, they resembled a pair of eyes that belonged to two people he knew.

lifeless    lying     tired    Dead     emptiness

It was when they were watching something together, and Donghyuck was saying something to him was when he notices had those eyes ever looked alive? On camera or stage, they always do, but now just them being themselves, he couldn't find a time where he looks into those eyes and sees life.

From there, he noticed more signs. They were subtler than he imagined, the amount he eats during meals, quiet when he thinks no one is watching him, and his smile, never had he ever thought he'll see their sun's smile that looked anything but real. How he has a cycle when it comes to clothing, never changes around them and would give slightly late reactions. How? why did he-No, why did anyone not notice this sooner?

The very base of thought that Haechan has......it made him shiver, he's been in that place and had a fair share of experience. When Jisung stated he knows stuff, he means it. He knows what's it like to see someone you love hurting, he knows what a 14-year-old boy looks like, his arms silted open too big and too deep with blood endlessly gushing out.

Even at 12 years of age,

He knows how it feels to hold your best friend dead corpse, their blood soaking your clothes, you wishing you could've prevented it because you knew they took away their own life. He knew what kind of helplessness that comes with not being able to get rid of that pain. He knew what's it like to save someone close from ending their lives.

And most importantly, Jisung knows perfectly how it feels to be in their hell as well.

Jisung knows a lot when it comes to Depression, which is why he noticed

Donghyuck's in that hell too.