Sunshine's Secrets {NCT Donghyuck/Haechan}

Chapter 3: Food and Sleepovers?

Donghyuck feels the pit of his stomach churn when Taeyong announced they're going to a restaurant, it was a rare free night and for once he feels like they could take a break from his cooking (Not that it'll be any different since the hyung's cooking if anything is far better than whatever any 5-star restaurant has to offer) He can't help but think of the weight he'll gain.

Sometimes, he didn't do it on purpose. It's hard to swallow down anything when you feel like shit, eating only gave him nausea and all he could feel doing next was getting it all back out right after. Donghyuck however was good in hiding, he was so subtle that no one ever really noticed.

They never noticed him eating only a quarter of what they had

They never noticed his quick trips to the bathroom after meals sometimes

They never noticed he lost weight even though he was there eating with them

Other times, he couldn't bring himself to eat, treating it as a form of self harm. Letting the hunger claw at him, and using that horrible image he sees in the mirror that reflects himself to fuel this feeling. Donghyuck knows he can be an idiot, but even he knows (and because numbers don't lie) that he's clear as the day's skies that he's underweight.

But hadn't he always been an idiot who believed in blatant lies?

How did the leader ever managed to manhandle all 18 of them into one restaurant room peacefully, the young vocalist may never know. It was utter chaos, the Us wilding, Dreamies screeching and shouting with the exception of Jisung who's only regretting life choices and his own 127 hyungs who are either laughing loudly at stupid jokes thrown around or being awkwardly quiet, no in between.

Taeyong at this point gave up trying to shut them up, it was clearly impossible with Lucas in present with Jungwoo. He sat in between Chenle and Jaemin, mind just looking around. Hoping no one notices his silence, "Haechannie~!" But Lee Donghyuck can only dream.

Renjun had squish him in a hug, dragging a willing Jaemin into it to. "You're always hanging out with hyungs! I thought we're a squad" The oldest of the 2000 liner pouted. "Who even uses 'squad' these days? What did Kun hyung did to you" he says, "I HEARD THAT" the eldest Chinese exclaims.

"Ah Hyuck, you should come by the Dreams dorms more often" Jaemin intruded, "I'm just tired you know? But I'll try dropping in once in a while for you hoes, maybe after pissing one of the hyungs first" putting on his famous evil face. The waitresses and waiters came flooding in with their pile of food, it's convenient when the restaurant has separate rooms.

Donghyuck eyes the spicy kimchi ramyeon that was placed in front of him, he wanted to choose something with less calories like a salad or something but that's not the Haechan everyone knows, he needs to be Haechan, but it sucks because the dish felt like it was glaring at him.

"Hyung, are you trying to levitate the noodles into your mouth or something?" Chenle asks, laughing as he does. Had he been staring too long? He quickly covers up by putting the chopsticks to his head and make weird whirling sounds. This cause Chenle to burst into his dolphin pitch laugh, even Jisung nearly choked on his food. The rest of dream turns away trying to keep their food in their mouths as they stifle their laughter.

"Donghyuck! No playing around with food, and you're gonna caused the others to make a mess" Taeyong calls out to them, he playfully scolds him, maybe his eyes were playing tricks but he was sure he saw something flashed in Donghyuck's eyes, something unfamiliar. Fear

He missed the panicky way Donghyuck stopped and turn silent for a moment, before the boy goes back to being Haechan. An amused smile and rolling eyes "Sorry, hyung" he said in a sing song way but it felt off, like there was something in the younger's voice that he couldn't quite figure out. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to

Dreamies were too busy recovering from nearly choking on their food, the rest are just too focused on eating but Taeyong saw. He saw how Haechan's movements were stiff, how he looked at his food reluctantly, how there seems to be something bothering him.

'Probably nothing' he thought, it's his first time seeing him acted that way, so he just assumed then younger is going through a phase. Little did he know, the him of a few months in the future regretted ever ignoring those slipups, that future him wished he had suspected something, then maybe they could've prevented what had happened.

They return to their dorms a while later, Donghyuck could somehow tell he might be questioned so without wasting a second he grabs some stuff, waves a 'I'm going to the Dreams Dorm' to the hyungs and left. His throat ached, he could almost still taste the acid from vomiting just now.

At the Dreams dorm they welcomed him with a cuddle pile, him being at the very bottom. "Let's all sleep in the living room just this once!" Jaemin suggested, and no one (maybe Jisung did but Chenle did some coaxing) was going to say no to that. Soon their living room is a mess of blankets and pillows because Jeno thought it'll be fun to build a pillow fort.

"All this and you didn't invite me?!" Mark stood at the entrance, he too had longed to be with Dream. "You're here now aren't you?" Chenle says and throws a pillow at him, "No pillow fights!! I'm not building this fort again for the tenth time!" Renjun shouts at them.

The seven settle down and buried themselves in the white, blue and grey sheets, fluffy pillows and assorted plushies and stuff animals. Donghyuck watches as Chenle and Jisung cuddled together, Norenmin in their own tangled position and Mark who's passed out on one side.

A tear slides down his face, I don't deserve this, I shouldn't be here.... I'm not supposed to be a part of this but a choked sob escaped his lips. It woke the two youngest, "Hyung? Donghyuck hyung.... are you crying?"

He could feel them laying down by his side, their arms embracing him. Jisung's head rested on his back and Chenle's head buried in his chest. "Hyung what's wrong...?" Jisung's gentle voice asks, "Thank you.......t-thank you so much.... I just feel s-so......happy to have you g-guys here..." he tried to form the sentence as simple as he could so that Chenle could easily understand despite his stuttering and cries.

"It's okay hyung, we're all here" Chenle's sweet voice lulled, it gave him reassurance. Maybe just this once, he doesn't need to be Haechan for them, just this once, he could just be Donghyuck and put down the heavy mask for a short while.

He had never slept so peacefully in months if not years, just one night without voices screaming in his head, one night without feeling guilty to feel happiness or have that itch to self-harm bug him. He wishes that moment lasted forever, but Lee Donghyuck doesn't get his way.