Bloodshot Symphony • [mitch rapp]

chapter four

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I couldn't sleep this night.
All what my body kept doing, was turning from side to side every few minutes.
Making me even more tired than I already was. I hate when I'm exhausted, and I can't seem to fall asleep. It has been happening for a couple of days now, and this feeling is just frustrating.

I sighed under my nose, as I slipped out from under the golden rose sheets, finding a sitting position with hanged feet from the edge of the bed. I sighed again, looking blindly at the window's direction, where the street lights were glowing. Sending some lightness into the space of my tiny room. It was raining since hours. I was hearing Night's snores behind me. At least this fluff is getting some rest.
This made me smile lightly to myself, sliding down the elevated bed. As for the space of this not so large room, my bed is literally the hugest and takes almost whole expanse.
This house might look huge from the outside, but inside..not as big, as eyes might expect.
Besides the large salon, productive kitchen, and some appropriate garden – this would be it.
And the reason why I'm living in this middle sized family house, only by myself, is much more complicated than you might think.
Living on my own, was a good decision. A bit forced, and maybe slightly irresponsible, but in the end – it was a good choice for me, and my own health.
You probably think that I'm one of these rebellious teenagers, who want to prove everyone how they can take care of themselves, isn't?
To be honest, I wish.
Sometimes I truly wish to be one of them, but in fact I'm completely the opposite.
It isn't something what I wanted. I just had to leave.
I was always the example of perfect girl living next door. Perfect daughter. Obedient, and polite..at least this is what people kept telling me. Or behind my back.
Perfect, and as beautiful and smart as her mother.
This became a routine, where I reached the point of fake smiles on family meetings, just to please everyone. Putting a mask on, pretending how much I loved the company of all these people who I saw once per year without even knowing their names, when in reality.. I just wanted to escape and start a new life. Start fresh. Without all these standards that they put me through, setting rules by which I had to live my only one life.
I'm not saying that I wasn't happy.
Because, I was.
I was. In my own way.
As long as my mom was by my side.
She was the only normal person who understood me there. Even I always had kind of a good relation with my dad as well, she was my best friend. My true. My real. Best friend.
She had the strength in herself..the strength which nobody else could have. Even in the darkest moments, she was there to brighten them, showing me how beautiful life can truly be.
And it was. It truly was.

These couple of months were rough for me and my family. For my dad. For me.
For my mom.
Just when I thought that my life was finally getting situated, it slowly began to turn into even worse mess, than it already was.
Could this get any worse?
Not saying much, but enough. My mom died. And my father went nuts.
The only escape for me, to deal with my thoughts. To deal with my pain. My broken self. Was to..
..to leave.
Trying to stand up. Pull myself from the bottom which I reached within few months by the events that happened in this short time in my life.
I couldn't stay there.
Of course I couldn't.
I couldn't stay there with him, watching how broken he is, letting him to break me even more than I already am. Seeing how days are running in front of his eyes, and all what he does, is telling me to go to the nearby store to buy him another bottle of beer. And..and this constant closing himself in this office room of his..
No.
My mom wouldn't want that.
She wouldn't want me to go down with him.
And I've tried. I've tried my best to be there for him. To take care of him.
To keep her promise. Trying to keep living, and fix not only me, but him as well, but..it almost felt as if I would have lost him forever.