All the Missing Pieces (UNDER REVISION)

Thirteen

            Monday is a disaster. Aside from the five giant packets of study guides I got for my exams next week, James won't even look at me, Emily looks like a train wreck, and Marina, try as she might, is really bad at being comforting. She's clicking her pen against her desk in pre-cal. "Okay, I'm confused because when you were drunk off your ass he was totally chill and just worried about getting you somewhere safe in one piece, so I don't know what changed since yesterday."
"Marina, for real-"
"No, no, Reyes, listen here. Something happened to make him so distant, think, what did you do?"
"I told you! I don't remember anything."
"Nothing. You don't remember anything."
"No! I don't!" My voice raises as our calc teacher looks at us disapprovingly. "Okay, okay, sorry."
"Look, just leave it alone. I'm sure he'll come around to saying something sooner or later." She smiles reassuringly; I scowl back.

            By lunch, James has disappeared. Marina is staring at me, studying my every move to try and find a solution. "Emily, where's James?" Marina asks. "Why would I know?" Emily retorts, stabbing her pasta.
"I don't know, you're like his girlfriend or whatever."
"I'm not his girlfriend, and no, I don't know where he is."
"Okay, okay, chill dude," Marina replies. Emily looks on the verge of tears. "Emily, are you alright?" Marina asks. Emily aggressively grabs her tray and stands up. "Dude?" Marina questions as Emily storms out of the cafeteria leaving the whole table in silence. "Give her space," I say. Marina and I follow her out of the cafeteria and find her sniffling by the library door. "I'm sorry. I know I'm probably being super over dramatic. I thought things were going really well with James, but he just told me this morning that he doesn't think we should go out. I've just kinda been a mess, you know? I really really like him." A tear slides down her dark skin. I give her a hug and she puts her arms around me tightly. "That sucks dude." She sniffs, "Yeah. It does."
"I really wonder where he is." Marina says, "It's not like he has other things to be doing." She glances at me. "Marina!" I growl. She shrugs. I regret my whole life right now.
"You guys stay here and I'll go look for him, I guess."
"Okay." They both reply. Marina gives me a slightly suspicious glance. Twenty seconds later I get a text from her.

"Okay. Reyes. This is not your opportunity."
"Oh. My. Fucking. God. Did you seriously think that's what I was going to do? Are you out of your mind?"
"Just make smart choices. You know I love you, but Emily's in a state of emotional crisis and this is the last thing that any of us need."

            I angrily pocket my phone as I glance into the art room. He's nowhere to be seen, which is disappointing since it was kind of my only guess as it's the only other place he spends his time. Maybe he's in the orchestra room? I start heading that direction, before I remember that a lot of music students use lunch as a practice time, so he probably wouldn't be there. He's not in the library or the econ room, or the photography room. About to give up, I start walking back towards the cafeteria when I notice someone sitting just outside the gym lobby. Juniors and seniors are allowed to eat outside, but most people don't because there weren't any tables. I push open the door next to the gym. "James?" I call. He's holding a clipboard and sketching something out on it in pencil, without acknowledging me. "James?" I call again. "Peyton?" His voice is so quiet, I barely hear it. He's wearing a sweatshirt with the hood pulled over his head so I can't see his face. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah." He says, fooling neither of us. I sit down next to him, and he tucks the clipboard away. "What's wrong?" He doesn't say anything, he just stares wistfully at his shoes. "James?"
"You should go back in," He says. "People are probably waiting for you."
"People are in there waiting for you too." He sighs, burying his face, which I still can't see, in his hands. "Breaking someone's heart isn't fun." He says. Ohhhh, this must be about Emily. Everything makes sense now. I sigh, "It's not supposed to be. Unless you're a sadist, then I guess it would be. But I'm pretty sure you're not a sadist." He chuckles before choking on a sob.
"I just feel so bad. I didn't want to hurt her... but I didn't want to lead her on! I-I-I- God."
"Shhhhh. It's okay." I pat his shoulder. "Thanks," he says. We sit there for a minute. Flowers are starting to pop up around campus as they do in the spring. The muffled chatter of kids in the gym and faint bird calls in the woods behind the school are the only sound present. I look at him, trying to make eye contact, but he turns his head away from me again. Slowly as we sit his head makes its way to my shoulder he pulls the strings of his hoodie tight and takes in a deep breath. "Do you want to go in now?" I ask brushing my pinky against his.
"No. Not really."
"Okay. Well, I'll wait with you until the bell rings, but I'm not missing physics."
"Okay." For that moment, it's just us. Just us and the pink cherry tree that's starting to bud. I have that impulsive temptation again; to do something I'll regret. I want to feel his skin and make him not cry. I want to hold his hand until he feels better again.