All the Missing Pieces (UNDER REVISION)

Seventeen

               "Okay, so last night I got really inspired," is the first thing I hear when I wake up in the morning. "Talk quietly, I'm fucking sleeping," I mumble. "Shut up, Peyton. This is important," Marina says. "So as I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted," she glares at me, "I got really inspired and made us the perfect playlist!"
"If we're listening to Yo-Yo Ma the entire way to South Carolina I will turn around." I say.
"First of all, it's not Yo-Yo Ma. Second of all, no you wouldn't." I hate that she's right. "Whatever, just talk quieter, I need to sleep." Marina sighs, "Whatever, grumpy face. But just not that I'm telling James to beware that you're super grouchy in the mornings." I throw the extra pillow on my bed at her. "Oh, Emily, is that a declaration of war?" Marina asks. Emily smiles brightly. "I think so," She says. "No no no no, I just want to sleep, let me live." The girls, nonetheless, assault me with their own pillows. "Okay, okay! I surrender! What do you want from me?"
"Really?" Marina says, "You didn't even put up a fight!"
"It's like six in the morning what did you expect?"
"Okay, well we're leaving in an hour, so get your shit together Peyton."
"Mrnag." I mudder, and pull a pillow over my head.

              We're back on the road by seven thirty. It's Emily's turn to drive, so I took a nice long nap in the passenger seat. I'm dreaming about a highway. Im chasing the sun, but no matter how long I drive I don't get any closer. I'm determined to find the sun for some reason, so I keep going, going, going, even though it seems pointless. I drive into the ocean and then I wake up. "Oof." I rub my eyes. "Aw, look who finally decided to wake up." Emily teases. "You've been harassing me all morning, do you have to harass me now too?"
"Yes," Emily says, "We're doing this for you, anyways."
"No we're not," I argue, "We're doing this for James."
"Who you're in love with."
"That is not the point, my dude."
"Whatever." Emily rolls her eyes. "How long until we get to Richmond?" I ask. "We've got like an hour left." Marina says. She has her feet up on the center console, and he blonde hair has created a skirt around her face from which only one single eye is visible. "Are you relaxed back there, Mar?" I ask. "Hella."
"So what do you do on road trips anyways?" Emily asks. "I dunno," I say, "We could play I spy. That's what my sister likes to do."
"How the fuck do you play I spy in a moving car." Marina asks. "You spy on things that are in the car. Or, well, I guess you could play extreme eye spy and only choose things outside but I don't think we're that hardcore." Marina snickers.
"Fine, I'll go first," Emily says, "I spy with my little eye a twink with three brain cells,"
"Ooh! Ooh! Is it Peyton?" Marina asks. "Ding ding ding!"
"Oh my god guys, leave me alone. What did I do to deserve this?" They're too busy laughing at their hysterical joke to care. "I'm not even a twink, I play baseball for God sake." Nevertheless, the continue their harassment, so I just deal with it, putting my feet on the dashboard. Marina's "God Tier Playlist" is currently blasting Beyoncé, and I just close my eyes and say a prayer of thanksgiving that I'm not attracted to girls.

              By the time we reach Richmond, I've sat through Beyoncé, Kelly Clarkson, Justin Bieber, One Direction, and just about every other totally basic singer that one could conjure. I mean don't get me wrong, I love Destiny's Child as much as the next person, but these weren't even *good* Beyoncé songs. That was only Emily's half of the playlist. Marina's half consisted of mostly bands that no one had ever heard of. Though slightly better than Emily's, I'm not a fan of Neutral Milk Hotel or Princess Nokia. "Okay, I'm driving, my playlist." I say, "What? But this one is totally awesome." Marina complains. "I am not listening to One Direction for six hours, give me the aux cord." She reluctantly hands me the cord. "It's Vince Staples time,"
"Who the fuck is Vince Staples?" Emily asks. "A not-sucky rap artist." I can see her glaring at me through the rearview mirror. "How much longer until we get to wherever the fuck we're going?" Marina asks, "I can't take this."
"We're going to Rocky Mount, North Carolina, and don't worry I have the scissor sisters on this playlist too."
"That sounds gay," Marina says. "That's because it is."
"If you don't mind me asking," Emily says, suddenly being her polite self again, "How long have you, well, you know..."
"What, known I was gay, or like James?"
"Both I guess."
"Well, I guess, I've known I was gay since the seventh grade. It was just kind of comfortable I guess? I don't know. But remember that day they had the art festival at that local park?"
"Yeah," Emily nods. "I think that was the first day I really started to fall for him. In the back of my mind, I always thought that I might have a chance with him, until it became clear that you liked him too. I really wanted to tell both of you sooner. I mean that honestly. It's just scary, you know?"
"Yeah, I guess I understand that." She pulls at a strand of her dark, bouncy hair. "I'm sorry for being as mad as I was. I guess it's not really your fault, that things happened this way. I guess I was jealous."
"It's okay, dude."
"Do you think you and James will be together after this?" Marina asks. "You know, I don't know. Whatever he wants I guess."
"You'd be cute together." Emily says. I feel my face heating up. "Thanks, I guess."
"I won't be mad if you get together or something. I need to move on." She says. "Thanks Em."
"Yeah."
"Aww family bonding!" Marina shouts. "Shut up!" Emily and I say in unison. The drive to Rocky Mount continues in teasing and laughter. It's a relief to stop worrying about Emily hating me and to focus on James for once. When they've finally stopped teasing me, and resort to some other form of female communication, I take a scrap of notebook paper out of my backpack. I'm still shaky on the inside about this whole thing. About driving all the way from Philadelphia to Charleston. Sometimes writing helps me get my thoughts out. I put a pen to the paper and stare at it, but I don't know what to write. All I can think about is James. It's exciting, racing inside of me, but it's also scary to some extent. What if we're to late? I finally write:

I love you too.

Then I write it over and over and over again, until the entire page is filled with the words I love you. Then I shove it into my jacket pocket, and promptly fall asleep.