Miss Sacrifice

Jaaliyah

   The walk home was something to think about,  as I did each week. Going to the library to sign and return book I had no interest in, what I did have interest in was the curious and special boy who was there each and every week. Being too shy to go up and talk to him was holding me back from saying the simplest terms of word to a nice looking boy as himself. He was very tall 6'3 at least, compared to me and he was dark skin while I was lighter than him. He was there with a younger girl sitting in the same spot each week and me seemed to get there before I did. I loved the laid back vibe he gave off as he approached the front desk, and looked at me from the corner of his eyes. He smelled of Irish Spring soap and Old Spice deodorant, his hair was curly and pilled up high on his head. He had lovely full lips that would get me going for him in any minute and his facial features were just perfect to me.

   I wanted to know his name and everything else about him. I liked him and I want to see him more. I couldn't help but smile when he came over to me and waited to ask what he needed. My mind wondered where it was too soon to wonder. I thought of what he tasted like from the top to the bottom, I thought of how I wanted to be in his arms and inhale his scent and know him from the inside out. He seemed to be interested in me but little did he know that I was more into him. My thoughts ran away from me and carried on to think of the way he could choke me and kiss me. Hard. Thinking of the kinky things I loved made me become warm and moist in between my legs. Although with not much experience with anything sexual other than with myself, I knew what I wanted. 

    I walked in the house to see my best friends, Tanya and Marie waiting for me in my room. Tanya was on the computer chair and Marie was sprawled out on the bed with her phone in hand and focused on whatever was on her screen.

"Hey girl where have you been?" Tanya asked with glee.

""Probably at the library looking for her boy toy." Marie said with smile.

"He's not my boy toy. He is a boy that I have my eyes on." I said as I lowered to sit down.

I watched as Marie's expression changed when she saw me sitting, the face that people make when they are disgusted at something. Marie and I have always been friends, but she never wanted to be best friends and when Tanya came along we had a bond, Marie only got more and more jealous of us. I make her know that I love them both but Marie never seems to give in.

"So, what's his name or did you not ever ask him?" Tanya says with a side glance.

"I can't just go up to him and ask, I'm just gonna keep going to the library and try to get his name. Trust the process girl." I said as I nudge her arm.

"Mmhm, but anyway wheres you dad? I'm surprised he didn't kick us out yet" Tanya asked.

"He's at work right now." I answered with unease. I kind of hated myself for not telling my close friends what was happening to me at home but it just seems like a burden to put on them.

Tanya had a way of knowing what I was capable of doing and what I wasn't. It's nice to know you have someone who is there and always has been there for you which made me feel guilty for not telling her about the abuse from my dad. I eventually thought of the boy from the library, would he ever be someone who I can say is there for for me?

The rest of the night I thought of him like he was my lover and we were together, I thought of things that were a little stupid to think of but at the end of the day, I wanted those thoughts to become reality. I laughed at myself for thinking a boy like him would ever want a girl like me, especially if he were to know what happened to me behind closed doors.