Love and Other Bugs

16: Deep

I sat next to Silas on the beach, gazing out at the ocean. I could feel grains of sand getting into my shoes, but I didn't care. The beach cruiser lay next to us, every time I looked at it I felt my heart swell. It had been a long time since I accomplished something, the feeling was indescribable.

"You have a beautiful smile." Silas commented, I turned to see him watching me.

"Thanks. I can't remember the last time I smiled this much..." I laughed, turning my attention back to the foamy waves to keep from staring at him, "Okay so, it's your turn."

"My turn for what?"

"What's something you've always wanted to do?"

I half expected him to say he didn't have wants since he was an android, but he didn't.

"We're already doing it." I looked over at him again to see him staring out at the water, "I wanted to see the ocean."

"You've never seen the ocean?"

"It's pretty far away from the grocery store." He laughed, "I've never had a reason to come out here until today."

I knew deep down that he wasn't a human being, but it made my heart sink all the same to think that the only places he'd ever been were grocery stores, restaurants and maybe an auto shop. That was no way to go through life, even if he wasn't really alive. I knew too well what it felt like to be confined to the same place every day.

"Come on." I stood up and slipped off my shoes, offering Silas my hand. He stared up at me, confused, "If the ocean is what you want, then we're going all the way."

He smirked, taking my hand but standing without any help from me, "I can't swim."

"Well I couldn't ride a bike. Now look at me." I started pulling him towards the water.

The beach was even busier than it had been when we arrived, it was early afternoon now, the weather was just warm enough to make for a perfect beach day. We sidestepped the obstacle course of neon towels and cooler until we reached the shoreline, coming to a stop when our shoes were just out of reach for the tide.

As we stood there, his hand in mine, it was unmistakable that this venture with Silas had gone much too far. Regardless, I couldn't bring myself to let it go. I hadn't known how desperate I was for a day just like this one until he'd given it to me.

"You ready?" I asked, kicking off my sneakers.

"If you are."

I released his hand and raced out into the water, fully clothed. The shock of the icy waves crashed against my warm calves, splashing up my thighs as I kept pushing forward. The salt water soaked into my clothes, the thin cotton fabric clinging to my body. Once the water was up to my waist I dove under the surface, my sun-kissed skin stinging from the bracing cold.

I swam out as far as I could hold my breath, peaceful in the near-silence of swimming just below the surface. When I came up for air, I wiped the water from my eyes and glanced around, looking for Silas. He was standing a little ways closer to shore, the water only coming up to his chest as he watched me with that familiar, amused look on his face.

I waited for him to dive under and try to swim over to me, when he didn't I called out to him, "Come on! Don't tell me you're afraid of a little water?"

"I can't swim!" He repeated.

"Well not with that attitude!"

He shook his head, laughing as he started towards me. The water rose up to his chin as he came closer, then he disappeared completely under the waves. I waited for him to bob back to the surface, growing more anxious by the second when he didn't.

"Silas!" I called out, searching for a sign of him in the dark blue water.

I had started swimming back to the beach when something cold and smooth brushed against my foot from deep in the water. I squealed, hoping to God it was just a little fish, swimming a little faster as I continued towards shore. As I found my footing on the sand I heard Silas' sputtering laughter and turned to see him walking out of the water behind me.

"Was that you?"

"Yeah, I told you I couldn't swim. Sorry if I scared you." He slicked his dripping hair out of his face, his skin glistening in the sun as he leaned in closer to my ear, "I sunk right to the bottom. Steel skeleton, remember?"

"Right. I didn't think about that." I admitted as he watched me swaying with the tide, "If you can't float, you can't swim."

He nodded his head, entranced by my buoyancy. I moved closer, placing my hands on his shoulders, his eyes locked with mine as I pulled myself over to him. My voice came out as a whisper, under the calm ferocity of his gaze.

"Lift me."

His eyes didn't stray from mine as his hands settled around my waist under the water. He lifted me, as if I weighed nothing, until my face was level with his. I flicked an inadvertent glance to his lips, glistening with saltwater as he smiled.

"You're very light."

It was clear from his candid expression that he was genuinely fascinated, but he held me there a few moments too long and the air between us turned tense. All at once the situation lost its' playful innocence, as I became fixated on how close we were. Our faces were just inches apart, his scentless breath fanning my face, his grip still securing my waist. I exhaled a slow breath, my gaze darting to his full lips again for a fraction of a second.

My hands started a slow ascent from where they rested on his shoulders, drifting up his neck until my fingertips made their way into his dripping hair. He was still, his eyes searching mine, looking for my intentions. I felt my face move closer, closing the narrow gap between us until my mouth was just inches from his, my lips quivering from the cold.

I folded my bottom lip into my mouth, sucking the salt water from my skin as I hesitated, frozen for a span of a few seconds that felt like an eternity. The reasonable, rational side of me was screaming that I had to stop. Everything about this was wrong, and I couldn't pretend I didn't know it.

His hands left my sides, slipping just beneath my shirt, stroking the skin of my back as his arms looped around my waist, pulling me closer. The feeling of his skin on mine, and the yearning look on his face scrambled my brain and made me dizzy. With my abdomen pressed to him under the water, I resisted the natural urge to wrap my legs around his waist. The feel of his warmth radiating against me was dangerous, awakening me from the inside out. I closed my eyes as I leaned closer, my lips parting as they brushed against his.

A sudden, unprecedented wave of anxiety hit me. Eric's face flashed in my mind, leaving a gut-punch of guilt and shame where the butterflies had been just seconds before. I felt sick with regret as I forced myself to pull back, pushing off his chest. Silas let go, his eyes still on me, his arms frozen in front of him where I had been a moment ago as I backed away.

"Maura? What's wrong?" The confusion in his eyes only twisted my gut harder.

"Eric could be home any time." It was true, though we both knew a weekend "run" to the office almost always ended up being a full day of work.

Silas frowned and nodded, running his hands through his hair and taking a deep breath. "Well then, we should probably head back and clean up."

I nodded, refusing to meet his eyes as we made our way to shore. My clothes clung to my figure as I trudged out of the water. I felt somewhat naked, exposed, even on a beach full of people 'dressed' in the bare minimum. A shiver set in as I hurried back up to my shoes, the hot California sun doing little to warm the deep chill that had set into my body.

"Why don't you go warm up in the car, I'll return the bike?" He reached down to retrieve the car keys from inside of his workboot, his eyes fixing on mine as he held it out to me.

I met his gaze for a moment, seeing what looked like genuine concern and confusion in his eyes. He wasn't capable of real emotions, but if I didn't know any better I would swear he looked heartbroken. I did my best to force a smile, taking the key from his hand and turning to head back to the parking lot where we had started our afternoon. Leaving Silas alone in the sand.