All things Queen/BohRhap

Aching Part 1 (Rog! x Y/N)

Each day felt harder than the last, he was finally here for months time, but he was only home for such a little amount of it. No matter what I had planned, he left and did whatever his heart pleased. When he was home at such rare occasion, I felt like I was spending time with the vessel that used to hold the man I loved. I still loved him, I loved what we had and what we stood for. We stood for faith and patience, we stood for the good on this rotten earth, but now he was pulled into the sickening ropes of misery that we protected each other from. The morning was the only beautiful time of these dreadful days, how the sun that shines on everything on earth peaked through the dirtied windows of what used to be "our" home. The birds chirping was loud enough to hear through the smallest fissures in the windowsill, causing the air to feel lighter than usual. Roger was already dressed when I woke up, he sat the the end of the bed, pulling his shoes on then rising.

"Where are you going?" I groggily asked, using my hand to rub the sleep from my eyes. I squinted as I laid my eyes upon his back.

"Out." Was all he replied with before he swiftly exited the cold and shallow room. I swallowed hard with disappointment, I wasn't sure why I expected it to all go back to normal in one long night. Ever since Live Aid, he's really changed and he hasn't told me anything or even accepted to talk to me. I shut my eyes in exhaustion as I heard the front door shut. I finally opened my eyes once again, accepting the fact that I couldn't change anything right now. I used whatever strength I had to sit up, groaning at the sun invading my vision. Although I loved the natural light, it was my worst enemy with sensitive morning eyes. I pushed myself to leave the comfortable yet painful bed that held memories I caught myself reminiscing on. The house used to be bearable, but now all it holds is pain and my heavy heart, some days I couldn't stand being here. You'd think after months I'd be used to the pain but everyday it had a different way of being heard, a different way of nesting itself in the raw holes of my heart. The familiar uneven breath could be recognized in the back of my throat, I knew today would be one of those days. But in all honesty, the sound of the quiet atmosphere made me happier than the sound of Rogers obnoxious intoxicated yelling. For now, I could deal with the emptiness. 

Hours have passed since the man left, at this point he felt more like a stranger than my fiancé. In all hours of the day I felt like my own best friend in this fucked up setting, I missed the person I used to call my best friend, the man I used to call my everything. The walls felt as if they shook off anger and depression, I couldn't take the loneliness anymore. I ascended from the stiff navy-blue cushion, setting down the crystal clear glass that held the small remains of the downed whiskey. I entered the sorrowful room that constantly made you grieve the beauty that was lost within it's towering prison-like walls. I shuffled my way to the white painted dresser, taking a deep breath to fend off the aching tears that begged to escape. After winning the war in my mind, I softly took ahold of the top handle, opening the drawer with the sound of the wood running against each other, then started to remove each article of clothing I had neatly folded some day long ago. My heart hurt with sadness, each packed article of clothing was another light being turned off until each light was cut between us forever. After all the clothes I never wore were finally packed, all that was left in the empty space was Rogers envelope that held the lease of the house along with other important papers like deals, contracts and whatnot. I grasped onto the envelope, carefully making sure to not tear it as I removed what was on the inside. I flipped through the stack, looking specifically for my car papers, I was going to take my car with me to wherever it was I was headed to and I knew I would eventually need them. I abruptly stopped filing through them when I came across one I couldn't seem to recognize. The page was full of cursive handwriting that I knew didn't belong to Roger, I anxiously skimmed through it, feeling my heart shatter to pieces once I realized what it was. He had been giving his love to another woman. And all of the proof was here on this one page. This one page that held so many lies and broke the thin line of trust I still held to the man, the thin line of hope. My sadness escaped as reality swept in, all that invaded my core was numbness, I didn't even realize the heavy tears that fell from my stone cold gaze as my eyes were fixed on the paper until the tiny droplets made themselves visible on the sheet. I slowly set the piece of paper on the surface on the dresser, fixing my attention back to finding the paper I originally wanted. I finally retrieved the set of information, then closing the envelope and setting it back into its original place, just missing two articles of what used to be held in it. I continued to empty  the drawers into suitcases, avoiding the thoughts of what I had just discovered. I knew that logically I couldn't be happy here, I couldn't find my paradise. I needed someone to trust, someone that would never hurt me no matter what we went through, I needed someone other than Roger and that fact was clear now. After everything valuable I owned was packed away in luggage, I took a long look in the mirror that had a small fracture in the bottom left corner. Everything seemed like a stupid game at this point, how did I not expect this to happen? Did I really think he was going to change because of me? I couldn't fix him, no one could, he was damaged and broke down everyone who tried to help him. I was one of those people that he destroyed without guilt or responsibility. I felt like a failure, all I did was fail today. I know I'm leaving but I don't know where to, and I just want to make a clean escape from this hell hole.