Who We Aren't (SLOW UPDATE)

Chapter 36

**| Sang's POV |**

My hand skimmed the water as I kept my eyes closed, enjoying the sun as it shined on my face. I hummed, the water lifting and lowering the tube as soft waves moved me around. I could hear the guys in the distance, splashing around.

The last hour was spent racing each other and seeing who swim the furthest underwater. Nathan was a fish. I had to resort to cheating a couple of times. Kota and Victor were more than happy to help me win.

I was tired now and needed a break from all the excitement and energy all the guys had, so I crawled into a tube Sean had manage to blow up, and just let myself float around the lake that was nestled in between two of the mountains.

Every part of me was completely relaxed. I felt free. When was the last time I felt like this? Sean was a big part of that. He made me feel like I was worth something and after being knocked down for so long by my stepmother, I never thought it was possible.

But also some of it came from his team. Seeing them work together so effortlessly, and to have such a long history together made having a family feel possible for once. And they let me into theirs so easily, trusting that I had not just Sean's wellbeing in mind, but also theirs. They trusted me to understand their dynamics and that I wouldn't strain it.

I could be the girlfriend who demanded his attention constantly and separated him from them. Or I could be like the other birds. I heard some stories. Saw it for myself too. They'd broken up dog teams because they wanted to be the center, and not in a healthy way.

The Anderson team came to mind. The only dog team with one bird that succeeded at it. Rumor in the Academy community was that she married them all, but they were only rumors. Either way, I met Lily once, and I saw how she considered her team in everything she did. She put them first, not herself.

A lot of birds didn't do that. I couldn't really blame them, not with some of the jobs we took on. When we're tossed in situations that could put us at risk, not just physically, but mentally too, we needed an outlet, a way to let loose. But the missions also warped our minds too, so those outlets pushed boundaries.

I had to get a bird out of a prostitution ring, and not because she was on a mission gone wrong, but because she had a little too much fun when she wasn't doing a mission and she met with the wrong men. I shivered, thinking about what had happened to her. My chest tightened, thinking if I weren't careful, I'd be like that too.

My odds were even worse, I didn't have a team to fall back on. If I disappeared, no one would notice. I didn't even exist. If some man decided to kidnap me and then sell me off, no one would know to go looking.

For once in my life, I considered finding a team. But which one?

North's voice bellowed something out, but I was too lost in my thoughts to make out what he said. Hearing his voice reminded me that I was hanging out with an all dog team, but I knew in my heart, I couldn't join them. That would be dangerous. I cared deeply for Sean, and there was a capacity to care deeply for the others. I didn't want to cause trouble between them all and no way did I want to be on the same team as my boyfriend. What if we broke up? What if we married? What then? I'd expect him to stay with his team, but I also saw Sean stepping back from them. I didn't want to pull him out of his team and do what, form a couples team with me? He needed those guys and they needed him.

That wouldn't work.

My other option was an all birds team. I dismissed the thought just as quickly as it came. No way could I be part of an all female team. I do fine doing assignments with them every now and again, but the long term assignments were the hardest with them. I was just too uncomfortable around them.