Passing Notes

Note Four

Sarah

You have only been away for five days to visit HIM. It feels weird but I feel like I can't remember what you look like, but I can remember the way you made me feel. I keep looking at this blurry picture on my phone, which is all I have of you. But I will never forget you no matter how much you want me to. I feel like you hunt me sometimes. To the point that I envision you standing beside me, I feel like I can reach out and touch you. I can almost hear your heart beating so loud, that I chase the sound hoping that it would lead me to you.

They say that sometimes there are people in your life that make you feel so loved that even if you forget their face, you will never forget the love that they gave to you. It's hard to explain Sarah, and I know this letter is reading like one of those sappy love songs you say I write all the time. A wanna be John Legend or Mayer is what you called me. Which ever fucking John! But girl you got my head and my heart so fucked up right now!

Please don't leave me this fucked up! I'm not ready for you to leave. Not right now when we just got started.

I promise I'm not going to be one of those psycho guys who won't leave you alone.

But I'm pouring myself into this letter hoping you feel the same way. Hoping that you will come back into my life. I know I told you that I didn't give a fuck if you went back to Chicago to be with HIM. But baby you hurt my ego so bad that there was no way I was going to let you see me cry. After the night we had? I'm not to afraid to admit I felt something. That I've been feeling something from day one, when you walked into my life.

I couldn't believe that you were still going to get on that plane and fly right out of my life.

I feel like I'm drowning now that you're gone, when that night my feet could barely touch the ground.

I know that I can't offer you as much as HE can. I'm still trying to become the man I want you to see me as. I know he's has so much more to offer in terms of wealth and security he comes from a good and rich family, they are real estate tycoons! I know I can't compete with that. I'm just a street performer who once had a record deal and gave it up to play the music that moved me.

You moved me... I just want you to...

I'm sorry I really feel like a coward right now. I had you and I just let you go.

but...

I can still feel the taste of your lips. I can still smell the conditioner in your hair, shampoo or whatever it is that you use on your hair.

Every light that turns on in this City at night reminds me of the light in your eyes.

Shit! I've missed looking into your dark brown eyes. People never get excited over dark brown eyes, but the way you looked... Fuck it's like you burn right through me.

I was broken for a long time until you came into my life and now you left and I'm fucking starting to unravel and I don't think I can pick up the pieces on my own.

I just thought this was going to be some fun afair we were having, like they do in the movies. Just for fun. You said as soon as you got on the plane to New York you ended what you had with HIM. Then when your parents died, and you went back to Chicago to bury. them you said that he was the only person there for you. That you owed him something or whatever.

I'm sorry for not being there for you. I just didn't want to ruin your little New York fantasy and make this thing between us real, or real-er than it needed to be. I just wanted you to have everything I didn't have here. I didn't want my life and who I was or am to interfere with the person who I knew you were going to be. But now that you are gone I can't remember who I am....

(Hey luvs sorry to cut this short. but i have run. But I promise I will finish Josh letter to Sarah tonight! I hope you are enjoying it thus far. let me know what you think please! comment it helps my process. ttyl tonight! ok ily all!!) xoxo jo

I refuse to not let you give us another chance.

Before you walked into my life I was just this guy who sat in the subway station playing my guitar for dollars and change to the faceless people that walked by. And couples who looked happy on the outside and mesrible on the inside. I wished that someday I would be that guy even if I had to fake it.

I wanted to know what that love was like. This incredible city that comes with heart breaks, fear, love, success, and pain... it can't be the only thing I have in this life. No matter how much I love New York and the incredible things it brought into my life including you. This city can't love me back. I need you. I need your touch. I need you to love me back. I need to love you because I don't know how to love anything else.

My heart is beating so fast writing this and knowing that you may not feel the same way scares me. I've added a plane ticket to this letter. I'm hoping that by the time you open this letter, you have been thinking about me and missing me just as much as I have.

I can't ask you to leave HIM, but I will ask you to stay with me just one more night and if you wake up tomorrow wanting to leave me I won't stop you.

I can't imagine my life without you but I refuse to wake up another day without you waking up right beside me. Without hearing your voice. Without touching you. I want you to be the last thing I see at night and the first thing when I wake.

Please come home to me. Let me know if I will see you again.

love,

josh

Note passed to Josh.

(thx! for reading please don't forget to comment and vote! ) xoxo jo