Benefits||g.b.d

Chapter 6

Woke up on Tuesday feeling nervous, but excited. I quickly dressed, grabbed my bag, and headed to the doctors office. As I sat in the waiting room I couldn't help but smile. After freaking out for a few days I was finally ready to move forward. I was starting to feel more and more excited to bring this new life into the world. I didn't know if it would be with Grayson in our life or not, but I couldn't dwell on that. "Y/l/n" the nurse called from the door. I followed her through the door and back into the room. She quickly took my vitals and drew some blood before the doctor came in the room. After some standard questions and formalities he smiled at me. "Let's find the heartbeat!" He said happily. He covered my belly with cold gel and then gently guided a small wand over my stomach. He moved the wand around, his smile dissipating with every movement. After a few minutes he stood up. "Give me just a moment." He said quietly and he left the room. I held my breath. My heart started pounding. I didn't know what was happening, but I was scared. The doctor came back a few minutes later with a nurse in tow. "What's going on?" I asked the doctor. He sat beside me and looked down at his clipboard before looking back at me sincerely. "I'm sorry, there's no heartbeat" he explained. I looked at him with confusion written all over my face, but in the back of my mind I knew what it meant. "We ran a test and you were pregnant, but there's no heart beat. You had a miscarriage. I'm sorry." The words the doctor spoke echoed through the room. They bounced around my brain, unable to grab on and become reality. "No." I whispered quietly. The doctor spoke again, explaining something about HGH numbers, but I couldn't focus on what he was saying. He left the room and the nurse sat down beside me. "Is there anyone you want me to call?" She asked sweetly. I shook my head, tears pooping behind my eyes. "No, I can get home." I said, trying to force myself to be strong. I left the office abruptly and drove straight home. I held my breath the whole way in fear that if I breathed I would break down. Tears continued to build up behind my eyes, but I refused to let them fall until I got home. When I walked into my house I collapsed on the couch and let my emotions run over me. Grief ripped through my body like soldiers on a battle field. I cried. I screamed. I wailed. I punched things. And then I blacked out. For 3 days I stayed on that couch alternating between breaking down crying, and , and numbness. When I could finally pull myself together enough to move my every thought that was of Grayson. What would I say now? Would would he say? Should I tell him at all? I knew I had to tell him, even if it hurt him. He needed to know. I was laying on my couch on Friday afternoon staring at the tv. I had no idea what was on or what they were saying, it was mostly on just for background noise. I wore a big baggy t-shirt tied up on the side and grey sweatpants. My hair, still wet from my first shower in days, laid around my face messily. My face was swollen and my eyes were bloodshot from crying for so long. I was staring into space, my body and mind completely numb, when I heard a loud knock at the door. I jumped and screamed like a little girl at the sudden noise. I walked over and ripped the door open in anger. "What th-" I started to bitch. I jumped back in shock at the sight of the twins standing In front of me. I looked from Grayson to Ethan and then back to Grayson. "Surprise!" They yelled happily. "What are you guys doing here?" I choked out. "We came in a few days early so we wanted to surprise you." Ethan explained. I couldn't breathe. My chest was tightening every moment. I felt the dust of anxiety tugging at my heart. "What's wrong?" Gray asked softly as I took another step back. I couldn't speak. I thought I had another week until I would see them. Now here they were, standing baffled at my door, not knowing the hell that I had been going through. I still couldn't speak. I walked over and sat on the couch with my head in my hands. "Y/n? What's wrong?" Ethan asked. I shook my head, but kept my eyes closed and my face in my hands. "Do you want us to leave?" Gray asked quietly as they sat on either side of me. I didn't want them to leave, but I didn't want them to be here. I didn't want to have to do this now. I didn't want to speak the truth. I didn't want to deal with this. I couldn't say anything, so I just shook my head again. I finally shook myself off and stood up. "I just need a minute." I whispered quietly. I left the twins in the living room and went upstairs to my bedroom. I sat on the edge of the bed for a long time thinking about what I would say. After 15 minutes I heard a light knock on my bedroom door. I looked up just as Grayson peeked his head in the door. "Are you ok?" He asked from the door. I sighed and closed my eyes. "No. Not at all." I whispered. He walked in the room, closing the door behind him. "What's going on? I've never seen you like this." He said with fear and anxiety in his voice. I tried to take a door breath and steady myself. I had to do this. "Gray. I need to tell you something, and it's not good. I just want to say I'm sorry for what's about to happen." I choked out. Tears ran down my face as I mentally prepared myself to tell him the truth. "Y/n, relax. I'm right here. Just tell me what's going on. Please." He said anxiously. I couldn't bring myself to look at him. I kept my eyes closed as I blurted it out. "I was pregnant." I held my breath waiting for his response. "What?" He said as he stood up from the bed. "When?" He asked. I clinched my eyes shut harder. "Last week." I mumbled. He took another step back. He was quiet for a moment as he thought about what I said. "Wait. What do you mean 'I was pregnant'?" He asked. More tears ran down my face. "It's gone. I had a miscarriage a few days ago." I whispered, speaking it out loud for the first time. "What?" He asked in shock. I couldn't say it again. I just sat still on the edge of my bed with my eyes closed and my face in my hands. "Mine?" He whispered. I nodded. "It's only been you for almost 2 years, gray." I didn't want anyone else. I liked what I had with Grayson. "I-I-i-" He stuttered. "I gotta go." He said and he quickly turned and ran down stairs. I stood in shock. I don't know what I was expecting, but I wasn't expecting him to run out. I followed him down the stairs with tears still streaming down my face. By the time I got to the bottom of the stairs he was already out the front door. Ethan was standing In the living room trying to figure out what was going on. "Where's he going?" He asked. "You need to go after him. Now E." I said sternly. "What happened?" He asked again. "E! GO!" I demanded. He turned and ran out the door after his brother leaving me alone with my grief once again.
To be continued...