Benefits||g.b.d

Chapter 11

The next few months were the best of my life. My relationship with Grayson was amazing. My friendship with Ethan was better than ever. I was starting to really feel at home in LA. I loved working with the twins. We had our arguments and bad days, but for the most part everything was perfect. One day in mid January the twins were out filming and I was home editing. I was sitting at Grayson's desk working on the computer when I caught a glimpse of the calendar. My heart dropped. It had been a while since I had thought about our baby. The first few weeks after the miscarriage it consumed my thoughts every day, but the more time that passed the less it consumed me. Instead of being an unbearable pain it became more of a small pinch that would demand attention at times and fade away at others times. But as I sat there staring at the calendar the grief consumed me once again. Today should have been our due date. Our beautiful baby should have been coming into the world. I felt a sudden emptiness run through me. Tears spilled down my face. I got up from the computer and laid down in bed. Depression flooded me. I cried for a long time until I heard the bedroom door open. "Hey babe! Look at this!" Grayson said cheerfully. He barged in the room with Ethan right behind him. Suddenly he looked at me and stopped. "Y/N! What's wrong?" He asked nervously. He sat on the bed beside me. Ethan crossed the room and sat at the computer chair. I sat up, wiped my face off and tried to fake a smile. " it's okay, it's nothing, don't worry!" I choked out. " it's not nothing. What is it?" He asked again. I shook my head and pushed another fake smile across my face. "I was editing and I noticed that date, that's all. I'm fine!" I said. Grayson looked at me confused. Ethan pulled his phone from his pocket and checked the date. "Oh, shit." He whispered as he figured it out. He turned his phone to Grayson and realization washed over his face, too. "The baby." He whispered. I nodded. He pulled my head to his chest and kissed the top of my head. Ethan left us alone. Gray held me against his chest for a while. We were silent, just thinking about everything. We had come so far the last few months, but it was still hard. It was almost 40 minutes later when Ethan came back in the room. "Guys, come outside." He said quietly. I shifted off of Grayson's chest and we quietly walked out of the room and towards the backdoor. When we got outside Ethan was standing beside the table. On the table was a piece of paper, a candle, and my ultrasound picture- the only picture I had of our baby. I looked at Grayson and then back to Ethan, still confused. " I was thinking we could have a little memorial. We never really had any closure or anything and I think it will be good for you guys to actually say goodbye." Ethan said softly. My heart dropped. Even though this was the saddest thing, it was so incredibly sweet of Ethan to think of this. I smiled at him warmly. I looked up at Grayson. He was staring at the ultrasound picture. "I think the hardest part is that we have to call the baby 'it'." He said sadly. I nodded. "I kinda names him in my head after what happened. I picked a unisex name." I explained quietly. Since I wasn't very far along when I miscarried there was no way to know if it was going to be a boy or girl. Grayson looked down at me. "What's the name?" He asked curiously. A single tear fell from my eye and rolled down my cheek. "Devon bailey Dolan" I said out loud for the first time. "Devon" gray repeated quietly. He smiled warmly in approval. "To Devon Bailey dolan. We will always love you, and we will always remember you." Ethan said and he lit the candle on the table. "Always." I repeated. I put my arm around Grayson's back and dropped my head. I silently prayed for my little unborn baby that never had a chance at life. A few minutes later I looked up. Grayson looked down at me and smiled softly. He blew the candle out and grabbed a shoebox that Ethan had sitting on the chair. "We will get a nice box with the name on it. For now we can keep all this in here so we have it." He said softly. He packed up the candle, the ultrasound picture and the paper which Ethan had written today's date, our due date, on the top. I grabbed the paper from him and quickly scribbled the baby's name on it. I laid it in the box and he put the lid on. A small shoebox with 3 little items was all I had of our baby, but now I had closure. I laid my hand on the top of the box for a moment and closed my eyes before handing the box to Grayson. I followed him into the house and he put the box on the top shelf in the closet. "Thank you." I said to Ethan who had followed us into the room. He hugged me tight but didn't say anything. When Ethan left the room to shower I sat down on the bad beside Grayson. "You feeling better?" He asked gingerly. I nodded. I curled up beside him with my head on his chest and closed my eyes.
To be continued...