Same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now
Our song on the radio but it don't sound the same
Bucky hated it. He hated that it had come to this.
He didn't want to end it, but there was no other choice. Nothing would change, it would always be the same. Fight, make up, fight again. It wasn't healthy. For either of you.
You both had needed something else, after the lives you'd led. Marriage. A family. You talked about it, thought about what it would be like.
Bucky craved that stability. Just the idea made his heart swell. Married to you. Watching your belly grow. It was the ultimate dream for him.
But it wasn't meant to be.
The screaming. The yelling. The words that were said. Neither one of you meant them, but they hung in the air like a plague. Ripping through you.
"Can we talk about this?," you asked through your tears. "Can we try?" But Bucky was tired of hurting you. Of being the reason your tears fell. He couldn't do it to you anymore.
He'd imagined what you'd look like on your wedding day as he held the tiny diamond ring in his hand. He imagined what it would feel like to hold his first born.
But he let you go.
When our friends talk about you, all it does is just tear me down
'Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name
Watching you lead the room, the new Assistant Director of SHIELD, Bucky was mesmerized by you. It had been over two years since you'd left the compound. You couldn't stay, you'd told him. So you moved on.
The way you carried yourself, the confidence that flowed from you, Bucky was in awe. But that wasn't what had drawn him in. It was the bump under your blazer. You had to be six months along.
You glowed and it made his heart ache. Someone had given you this, this gift that he never could. You were getting the family that you wanted. It shattered him.
Steve squeezed his shoulder, trying to offer him some comfort. He appreciated it, but it wasn't enough. No, seeing you this way, it broke Bucky's heart.
"You look beautiful," he muttered as he passed you, placing a small, feather-light kiss on your cheek. It was all he could offer, all he could do.
Mmm, too young, too dumb to realize
That I should've bought you flowers
And held your hand
Should've gave you all my hours
When I had the chance
The place was elegantly decorated. Gold and white. Rows of glittering chairs. Beautiful floral arrangements. Bucky walked around the room, his heart aching.
It could have been him. Hell, it should have been him. But he was a coward. Too dumb to realize exactly what he had. To stupid to know that he could have given this to you.
Now someone else was.
Someone else. Not him. No, never him.
Someone else had your time and love.
He stood back, out of your line of sight. You were looking into the mirror, smoothing out the white dress. Exactly how he'd imagined you. The veil hung loosely. Tiny pink flowers braided into your hair.
You looked nervous. Yet, happy. There was a smile on your face. His smile, the one that had be reserved for him. "You shouldn't be here," you said softly, turning to face him and he blushed a bit before stepping forward.
"I'm sorry," he muttered, his eyes roaming over your form. He couldn't help but stare. You were like a dream come true. "You just look so beautiful. I wanted to see you before you stepped out there."
"He's a lucky man."
"I know the mistakes I made," he said, looking away as the tears formed in his eyes. The metal hand brushed over your arm and you sighed softly, realizing in that moment how much you'd missed his touch.
"I know I hurt you, that I pushed you away, my Love."
Although it hurts
I'll be the first to say that I was wrong
Oh, I know I'm probably much too late
To try and apologize for my mistakes
"I'm sorry that I hurt you. That I was the reason you couldn't stay. That I was the reason you cried. I loved you more than life itself."
You tried to speak up but he held up a hand. So you waited. "I know I should have done a million things differently. I should have treated you better. And maybe that would be me out there waiting for you."
He let out a heavy sigh. Tears rolled down his cheeks. "I was so selfish. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't man enough. I'm sorry that I didn't give you what you needed."
He thought about the man waiting for you. Your daughter he'd seen in napping in Nat's arms. All of it was enough to break him. He kissed your cheek softly, and silently turned to go.
He stood in the shadows, he didn't want to disturb your day anymore than he had. You hooked your arm around Tony's and gave him a bright smile as he led you down the aisle to your groom.
God, he wanted it to be him. How could it have gotten this bad? He wanted to step forward, speak up. Tell the entire room that he loved you, that he wanted you. That it should be him. But he couldn't. He couldn't do that to you.
He'd hurt you enough.
