She packed my bags last night pre-flight
Zero hour nine A.M.
And I'm gonna be high as a kite by then
It wasn't easy. Loving Chris. But you made it work. Even if it meant months away from each other. This was his life, who he was. And you knew that when you met him, how it would be. NASA came first. Everything else was second.
I miss the Earth so much I miss my wife
It's lonely out in space
On such a timeless flight
You dreaded this. Watching him pack the last of his bags. "How long?," you asked quietly from the door and he sighed, not looking up. "No idea." It was flat, emotionless. It had been that way for some time. You wrote it off as nerves, but you couldn't help but worry that it was something more.
"Want me to come? See you off?" He sighed again, zipping the suitcase. "Probably not. It'll be crazy. Too many people. Can't give you the time you need." Again, no feeling behind his words. And it hurt. So damn bad. You wanted to wrap your arms around him, but you couldn't. You nervously played with the gold band on your finger, keeping your eyes on Chris.
"Are...are we okay?," you asked softly and he finally looked up. He looked tired, weary. And it made your heart ache. Things were supposed to be better now, weren't they? Married life was supposed to be blissful. But it wasn't. The joy had been stripped away. "Yeah. We're good," he smiled a bit, but it didn't reach his eyes.
He picked up his bags and walked past you, a quick peck to your cheek. But there was no love behind it. Nothing. It was like a reflex. Like he was on autopilot.
And I think it's gonna be a long long time
'Till touch down brings me round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I'm a rocket man
He put the bags in the trunk, not bothering to look up at you. No, it hurt too god damn much. To see the pain behind your eyes. You loved him, adored him. Would have done anything for him. And he felt...empty. He looked forward to the mission. Getting away, far as possible.
He couldn't remember when the fire had died out.
The wedding was beautiful. You were beautiful. The look on your face, so much love for him. It made his heart hurt, it was so full of love for you, too. The honeymoon was blissful. You were a god damn goddess on that beach. Making love, barely leaving the beach house. He couldn't keep his hands off of you.
But reality had set in when you came home. NASA had pulled him back, throwing him into work. And Beth has caught his attention. He hadn't meant for it to happen. And then tragedy had struck, leaving something broken between the two of you.
Laying in the hospital bed, he held your hand. He felt guilty, like it was his fault. That if he hadn't fallen in love with someone else, you'd be having his baby. Far along now, feeling the life move around inside of you. But it hadn't, and it felt like an out for Chris.
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone
He knew he'd have to end it. Maybe he could draw it out. Maybe, just maybe the time away would prove to him how much he still loved you. He watched you stand in the doorway and he gave you a wave. He could see the tears falling and he hated himself.
Hated what he'd done.
It was easy, after a year. The pain died away. The ache, the emptiness you felt. You still loved him, but you no longer missed him. You knew, before he even left the driveway, that it was over. It took months to accept it, but you did. You put the last box into the moving truck and let out a heavy sigh.
This was moving on.
You didn't know when he'd come back. There wasn't much communication with the space station. And you'd grown to accept that. So you did what was best for you. Leaving it all behind. You supposed he'd find out eventually. You knew about Beth, too. Maybe she'd make him happy. Give him the life he deserved.
Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids
In fact it's cold as hell
And there's no one there to raise them if you did
Chris put the key in the door and his eyes widened. It was empty. Cold. He called out your name, so damn hopeful. But he knew, in his heart, he knew. The time on Mars, it changed him. He didn't love Beth, no, he loved you. And he wanted to try again. Try for a family.
The papers sat on the table and he picked them up, his heart hammering in his chest. He didn't want it to be what he thought it was. Your name was signed neatly at the bottom and he felt sick. He'd deserved this, hadn't he? Pushed you away. But he never expected you'd be fine without him.
The note was neatly folded, he didn't want to read it. Tears fell as his eyes scanned the page.
Chris,
I couldn't wait anymore. I know you expected me to, but I realized it was time to move on. We weren't happy, you weren't happy. And I couldn't keep trying. I love you. I always will. Sign the papers when you're ready. I hope that you find happiness with her, that she makes you smile.
Love, Me
He cried, sinking to the floor. He didn't feel like he needed her when he left. But he never expected her to not need him.
And I think it's gonna be a long long time
'Till touch down brings me round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh no no no I'm a rocket man
Rocket man burning out his fuse up here alone
