Scars that Last Forever

Chapter 12

It has been two months.
I'm getting to know the Avengers more.
I'm still scared.
I'm still haunted.
I still sleep in Buckys room.
And I can't remember the last time one of us didn't have a nightmare.
So far, the longest I've been away for him is 4 hours.
It was terrifying.
I didn't know what was going to happen.
I didn't know if he would be ok.
But then he came back.
And the rest of the day we didn't leave each others side.
The others had to leave every once and a while to go on missions.
Bucky and I stayed home and watched movies.
Home...
I like it here.
But I still can't escape from my mind- my memories.
The fact that Hydra is out their, hurting others.
Or looking for us.
Bucky tried to tell me we will be fine.
I want to believe him, but something pulls at my gut- and quite honestly I'm not sure.
Sometimes Steve and I go for short walks out side. They are nice. He tells me stories.
I've heard most of them,
But I listen to them anyway.
Plus  he tells me more about Peggy.
She seemed amazing.
Tony and Bruce showed me their lab.
First I was terrified... the word lane was repulsing and reminded me of Hydra.
But those labs are nothing like HYDRA's.
Theirs is bright and comforting.
Bruce and Tony told me I'm rather smart.
...
Bucky and I lie in bed.
He just woke up from a nightmare.
So I woke up too.
I don't mind though because I was in the middle of my own.
"Hey Bucky? What do people my age usually do," Bucky looks over at me and takes a breath. 
"Well... go to school... um hang out with friends... um I'm not really sure what kids like to do know..."
I nod.
Will I ever be normal?
"What are you thinking about Peter?" Bucky asks.
Damn it.
He know me too well.
I say,
"Will I ever be normal? Go to school? Have friends... my age?"
"Someday..." He says and then trails off.
His voice is sad almost.
"When's that?" I ask.
He pulls me into his side.
"Soon,"
...
I sit on the couch next to Bucky and Steve.
Bruce and Tony stayed in the lab late and Natasha and Clint are sparring.
The commercial is over and I take another sip of my apple juice.
Breaking news:
"Shooting yesterday in Queens New York, 4 dead and 6 injured,"
Pictures flash across the screen.
Fuzzy security pictures.
A man in a black mask holds a large fund and people are screaming.
He wasn't caught.
A picture of a young girl comes across the screen, she had died.
So did another young girl, and two middle aged men.
I look at Bucky and his eyes are sad.
If I was still at HYDRA this could have been me.
I could've been the reason for those dead and injured.
I squeeze my eyes shut.
I could have helped them.
I feel a hand being laid on my shoulder.
The anger and guilt build up inside me.
My blood seems to burn wholes through my skin.
I can't form a coherent though.
I won't to find that man and make him pay.
I need to punch him.
To destroy something.
And that scares me most of all.
What if I am turning into HYDRA?
What if I'm no better then them?
The realization is like a bomb exploding in my.
I can't think.
I can't move.
I am frozen.
Red clouds my vision and I can't take it anymore.
Before I know what I'm doing I stand up and my legs propel me forward.
I run into the elevator and fall against the wall.
The doors slide shut.
I am along.
I grip the roots of my hair with my hands and drop my head to my chest.
The door opens again and I sprint out of the elevator.
I throw open the doors to a room down the hall.
It is a gym.
Their are mats on the floor and punching bags in the corner.
I take off my shirt and start beating the bag.
I throw my fist and the bag goes flying high.
Anger pores out of my movements and I hit the bag harder sending it off the chain.
I lands with a loud bang.
Then I suddenly stop.
I look at my hands then the scars muttering my stomach.
Flashback...
Men crowd around me wearing lab coats.
A guy holds a large needle.
Don't hurt me.
Please.
Fear consumes my bones.
The man pushes the needle into my skin.
It hurts.
I faint.
The next day I wake up.
A man walks in,
"Ready for your training PTR Spider 7125?" He hisses.
He grabs my arm and pulls me into a gym.
In the corner is a punching bag.
He nods towards it.
I punch it, not very hard, but it goes flying off the chain.
I look at my hands, and then to the man.
He smirks down at me.
...
My knees give out below me and I point to the ground.
I scratch at my chest and feel like I'm drowning in fear and anger.
I can't breathe.
I can't speak.
I hear a loud noise behind me and I jump to my feet in a fighting stance.
"I found him," a voice says.
He takes a step.
Then another.
Click.
Clack.
Click.
Clack.
It's then that I realize a girl with red hair is walking behind him.
Natasha.
Clint.
I take a sharp breath in.
Bucky's words echo in my head, 'we are safe.'
I relax a little bit.
Then I hear more footsteps running into the room and recognize him as Bucky.
I run towards him and wrap my arms around his neck.
I relax more.
"It's ok Peter- it's ok," I nod into his shoulder.
"I could've helped them... I used to be like him. I caused innocent people to die," I choke out.
Bucky shakes his head.
"No Peter, it's not your fault. You did nothing wrong."
I shake my head and look up.
"I want to save people." I say firmly