Deeply In Secret (BoyxBoy)

Chapter Nine

I went in Canada! I spent a week [anxiously, hardest days i've never passed in] until I founded myself sitting therapist’s office for an emergency session talking with her about my suicide attempt :
Well.. that night was the straw that broke my back, I spent a week without seeing x neither of mom and my friends.. I shut the door to my room but did not lock it. Taking a seat at the study table where I used to did my assignments, I took a moment to silently cry, letting tears run freely down my cheeks, I wrote a little note to my aunt "Thank you, auntie. I love you" . I took one last look at everything that was in that room. I would NOT miss them, of this I was sure. I would not miss anything.. I took a deep sigh and started to prepare my conduit to the afterlife. The roll of wiring cables had remained after the construction of that house.. I made a noose. I stood on that seat and took a deep breath, in then out. After I made sure that the noose was just the right length, I wore it around my neck. I wore it around my neck, like the ultimate ornamental necklace, but with no beauty. I took it off my neck and looped it again on the wooden bar that made the truss of the house in order to reduce the length on the cable from which the noose was made... I wore it again around my neck, closed my eyes, put my hands in my pocket then paused briefly. The calmness and resolve, whether it was in my head or heart, was remarkable..
Then with a sudden move as if it was intended to surprise myself, I kicked the seat and I was dangling, kept aloft by the noose that bore my weight and was tightening around my neck..
The sudden jerking move had left me oscillating like the pendulum of an old clock, with life and time ticking away from me as it became harder to breathe, I tried to open my eyes although I only saw a specter, I trembled as I chocked. My head became hot and I could feel a bulging of veins on my forehead and temples.I was dying. I was already dead inside, has been long before this night...
[i don't remember what did happened after.]
Then, I talked to the therapist about all what i've passed in recent days.. the therapist told my aunt that I need to get back home and my dad should follow sessions with a therapist..
[about my antie, she seemed that she's shocked. I'm feeling sad for her]