I Don't Belong

reasons why~one

{12/23}
It's the day before Christmas Eve, today I need to break up with my boyfriend, Stephen, our relationship is very toxic. We barely fight but all we do is lie to my parents when we are together. He was my first love, but all there is is heart break. I just want to be happy and with my parents arguing with me non-stop while I'm with him and blaming him I have to leave him. I tried to break up with him several times so I could stop having parents pissed at me all the time and them telling me that they don't like me anymore. We dated for almost our whole high school years, we dated ninth to eleventh year. I'm not use to being single and not being with him. This will be our first year broken up, and I'm breaking up with him right before Christmas. I got gifts from him and he got gifts from me, I got a giant blanket and bear with perfume. I gave him a picture of us with I quote saying, "I love you to the moon and back" and a protein shake bottle. I just can't believe that this is happening, I'm just sick of being hurt.

{12/24}
I'm officially single, I'm not going to tell anyone about it though of why we broke up. It's seriously no ones business to know why we broke up, I'm just hoping that when I have to go back to school he doesn't make me look shitty. I seriously love him with all of my heart and I wanted to marry him and stay with him until the day I die, but our relationship was very toxic. But now I'm going to go so I can cry.

{12/25}
Merry Christmas, today is such a horrible day. I just want to cry, I just hate my life, why do people not see me depressed. Everyone leaves me and either hurts me, no one ever wants to stay by my side forever. I don't even have my own mother, she's so fucked up, all she has ever done for me was shit. My mother didn't even buy food for me, I ate wrapped in plastic paper cheese all the time, I barely ever ate and it sucked. I was pretty much starved, and I was always dehydrated, she never bought that either. All we had was alcohol, and i was good enough to not drink it unless I was gave to by your stupid 21-24 year old friends that had to live with us for some odd reason. No wonder why Caleb didn't have a room for himself. Of course I had to have the smallest room in the house which wasn't even a bedroom. I slept in the storage room and that wasn't okay. I bet she changed my room and gave it to Caleb or Luke. My whore ass mother that can't keep her legs closed and had to have kids with different guys. I don't ever want to see her face ever again, she ruined my life for fourteen years.

{1/1}
It's the new year, thank fucking god. Hopefully this year will be a whole lot better. I don't want another shitty year, I want to be happy again.

{1/3}
Shit, I'm excited. I'm going to Mullingar. Niall Horan, my husband duh, was from there. I might cry if I see a tiny bit of Maura, or Bobby, or even Greg! I'm a little bit in shocked.

{1/6}
I leave in two days to go to Mullingar, I'm a bit scared but happy at the same time. Supposedly we are going there to see my grandparents. Which I am staying at a hotel instead of their house for some odd reason outside of Mullingar. We are stay in Kinnegad, in the hotel called, Harry's of Kinnegad. It's about 17 minutes away from Central Mullingar.

{1/8}
It's the day I leave, ugh I'm scared. It's like a three hour drive!!

It's about 5 am, and I'm ready to sleep. I'm probably going to fangirl on Twitter and Wattpad over Niall but what's the difference. I'm reading this mazing book named anonymous by samemistakes__ and she's just so amazing. She hasn't posted in ages but I'm fine with not having an update in ages in her other book called who cares.

💚💙{Only authors note}💙💚
My book is similar to samemistakes__ but with my flare on it. I'm going to spice it up and make it weirder and strange.
So if you call me a copycat or something here's proof, by saying she gave me an idea to do similar.
Well if u have ideas for this maybe series tell me and I'll try to do them for you. 💚💚