dancat

Candlenights

'Twas the night before Candlenights, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even an Alyx or Ori;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there; ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Stampy was nestled all snug in their beds;

While visions of cake danced in their heads;

And YouTube quality ASMR, and I in my cap,

Had just settled his brains for a long winter's nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,

Gave a lustre of midday to the shit below,

When what to my wondering eyes did appear,

But a miniature sleigh and eight tiny rein-deer,

With a little sexy driver so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment he must be Dan the Dick

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:

"Now, asshole! now, cunt! now slut and shithead!

On, Bitch ass! on, Side Hoe! on, Dickhead and Price of shit!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all! We gotta hide that child's body."

As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky;

So up to the housetop of minecrafters they flew

With the sleigh full of dildos, and Dan the dick too—

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The moaning and groaning of each furry.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

Down the chimney Dan the Dick came with a bound.

He was dressed all in Ligerie, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot like a naughty little boy;

A bundle of toys ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a pedler just opening his pack.

His eyes—how they were clouded with lust! his dimples, how sexy!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was covered up by a choker,

And the balls on his sack was as white as the snow;

The stump of his dick he held high in the air,

And the cum, it encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a broad face and a whip in his hand

That cracked when he laughed, like the bones of a child.

He was yolked and super hot, like Taako from the adventure zone (you guys should probably check out that podcast it's really good (I'm looking at you Lance))

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head of his massive dong

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And cummed in all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose, giving me a massive boner,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the slope of a middle aged woman's breast,

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight—

“Happy Candlenights to all, and to all a good night!”

(... so... I regret nothing... Also, fuck all of you for y'alls low was standard you fucking creepos. I've only made this book for about a month and this shit is already at 200 reads. You horny little eight year old. That is the absolute worst shit to ever happen. But whatever I ain't complaining, just have a good candlenights and bust a nut or some shit I dunno)