Helpless (gxg)

I- Breakfast

Fear can creep in at the most inopportune of times. It slips through the hardest cracks, almost like the roots of a tree. The biggest difference is it has a much more sinister objective. It wants to freeze your lungs, muddle your mind, curl your toes. I tried not to let it torment me to the point of curling up and sobbing in terror, and luckily this time I succeeded. Of course, that didn't help the fact I knew exactly what was going to happen and I couldn't do anything to stop it. Maybe it wasn't the fear that's the worst part, but the hopelessness that accompanies it.

I knew what my punishment would be for dropping the plate. I had tried to hard to save it but it's difficult to hold onto things when someone else so much bigger is trying to rip it from you. Now, I was kneeling carefully as I used a ragged dishtowel to pick up the broken pieces before Alpha came down. He would see what had happened -- no, what I had done and was responsible for -- and he would punish me. He would take each shard, every sliver, and he would make a small incision with it until there were cuts lining my arms and legs and I could barely cling to consciousness even as he poured cold water over my face. When it was done, he would take a towel, probably the one I was using to clean, and pour water over it while it was draped over my face. I wish I could say that the words he used were more painful, but that would be a lie. He knew how terrified I was of drowning and he used that every time he could.

By the time I finished cleaning, I could barely keep everything in my palm due to the shivers of fear that wracked my body. The knowledge of what would happen if anyone just happened to walk in filled my heart with lead and caused my lungs to seize up, forcing my breaths in and out in short bursts of air that was much too loud to go unnoticed for long. When I wrapped the rag over the sharp clay so it hopefully wouldn't cut through the trash bag and placed it gently underneath a clump of eggshells, I held my breath to contain a sigh of relief. I turned back to the stove and turned it back on to resume cooking the pile of eggs that it contained, knowing that I was safe, even if it was only for the moment.

When the scrambled eggs finished, I poured them onto a large serving platter that would likely be emptied within the first few minutes of the rest of the house waking up. This knowledge came from years of experience, so I started the next batch while keeping a close eye on the bacon that was sizzling and popping and the toast that periodically burst out of the industrial toaster. I busied myself with the cooking, as my experience also told me that I didn't have long before the kitchen was filled with people who would not be happy if everything was not ready on time. So, I kept moving despite the exhaustion that threatened to weigh me down if I allowed it and finished cooking.

Snatching a few bites of eggs, I made sure everything was in place beneath the heat lamps that lined the counter before making my way into the back room of the kitchen. I knew what would happen if I were not there when Alpha came for me, a few scars itching as a reminder of my actions. It had been my fault, after all. I had disobeyed the orders that Alpha gave me, so my punishment was fitting. I got into my position, kneeling with hands palm up on my thighs and head bowed. I did not know how long I would be sitting there, but I did know that I could not move.

Only a few minutes passed before I heard the doors open and Pack begin to flood in. They went to the food and piled it high on their plates, free to eat to their heart's content because they had never done anything wrong. They deserved to eat as much as they wanted, while I needed to stay where I was.

Breakfast was fast that morning, Pack was in and out in just about an hour. I kept time with the ticking of the seconds hand that went around the clock hanging above the door that I was facing, unable to look up and see what time it was. I counted to sixty, then again, over and over until the sound of Alpha approaching the office overpowered the quiet ticks. I did a mental check of everything as the knob turned, waiting with bated breath as he opened the door.

"Hello, Willa. You're free to go. Do your chores, and this time don't get in anyone's way." His frame filled the doorway, his voice coating my body in acid as I prayed that I didn't move and incur his wrath. When I was sure that he was finished speaking, I stood and bowed, my eyes still glued to the floor. He stepped away, leaving the path out of the office clear for me to leave. I immediately took advantage of it, knowing that there would be consequences if I did not obey quickly.

Even when he was out of sight I did not relax. I had a job to do and I would not disappoint Alpha. Not again.