Helpless (gxg)

IX- Truly Broken

When Tessa touched me, expecially down there, it felt strange. I couldn't tell yet if it was a good strange or a bad strange, but that didn't change the fact that I flinched away from her after she said that. It must have upset her, she left me alone in this room. It was abrupt, the silence widening to fill the space as she was no longer there to fill it. I understood that she was upset that I had moved away and wished that she would just come back and give me what I deserved. If I had moved away from Sir, he would have beaten me black and blue and then taken me anyway, even if I was passed out from the pain. That had happened a few times.

Now that I wasn't under his control anymore, I was starting to think bad things about Sir. I was no longer sure if he loved me, or if I loved him. I wanted to talk to someone about it, anyone, but not Tessa. I couldn't talk to her about it. There was no way that she could possibly understand. She had never been helpless, she was an alpha, the Alpha King, and I was just a... pet. I wasn't really a person, I wasn't really a wolf, I was simply a doll for Sir to play with at his leasure. I think my wolf finally having calmed down but still having mostly broken the bars made me realize this. She went crazy when Tessa was around, another reason for me to avoid her. I really didn't know if I wanted that punishment or if it was just what I was used to.

I really was broken.

At that thought, a tear slipped down my cheek. It surprised me, as being told that I was broken was about as unusual as hearing birdsong in the forest. This just brought more tears, and soon enough I was curled in the corner of the room, sobbing with my arms wrapped around my knees and pleading with whatever power was out there to just let me be okay, let me be normal, please, I just want to be good enough, I want my mate, I want Tessa-

No. I stopped my thoughts, tamping down the flow of salty tears from my face and sniffing back the snot that was threatening to follow. I shivered for a few more minutes before I decided that enough was enough. I was dehydrated, water being the only thing that Sir had constantly put into my body other than... well, I didn't want to think about that. Now that I was done crying, I felt strong enough to stand and carry myself to one of the other doors in the room, open into what appeared to be a bathroom. I turned on the faucet, feeling the gentle flow of water over my soft fingers. As it poured, I found myself lost in thought. My unanswered questions hung heavy within my head, piling upon one another until I felt the weight bearing down across my shoulders, not unlike a whip. But this pain was deeper, it didn't sting for a moment before settling into a burn within my flesh. Instead, it crawled beneath my skin and into my bones, making them creak under the load. I felt my posture faltering, a want to curl into myself dragging me down before I regained mastery, knowing that Sir would be furious if he saw how far I had fallen in the short time that he wasn't there to help me. I guess he was right, I really did need him more than life itself. Without him, I was just a shell that was waiting to be filled by the next cock that came along, a pretty plaything that he saved. He made me into a pet, something better and more valuable to him.

At least, that was what I tried to convince myself. Somehow, the words felt even more wrong than the possible questions, branding themselves into my eyelids so I couldn't go even a moment without seeing them and their possible truth. They shook me from my trance, pulling me back to the world where the water still ran in rivets over my fingertips. I cupped them together, making a small bowl that collected a bit for me to drink. Even while drops fell from the improvised cup, rolling down my chin to meet the edge of my shirt and what lay below, I returned again and again to the tap, slaking a thirst that I was previously barely aware of. After a few repeats of this that left me gasping for air, I no longer felt as if I would die if I stopped. I slowed down, taking more care not to spill anything anymore. As I pulled back and reached for a towel, I met my own eyes in the mirror.

I shouldn't have been surprised at my appearance, but I was. My hair had curled out of the careful plait that I had put it in at a stop somewhere along the way to this strange place, falling in loose strands that framed my face, giving me a more bedraggled look than I was used to. Normally, I would be naked and in pain when I looked like this, eyes red from sobbing and a headache that seemed like it would cause my head to burst. I was alone for the first time in a very long time and I didn't know how I was supposed to deal with that. Luckily, I didn't have to for very long.

The door to what I assumed was the hallway opened and I heard a voice call for me, a voice that sent unfamiliar shivers down my spine. They weren't the product of fear or panic, instead being the result of anticipation. Of what, I didn't know.

"Willa? I'd rather not invade your privacy so soon, but if you don't come out here within the next minute I'm going to have to come get you." Tessa's words had the dual qualities of caring and seriousness, an invitation hidden within a veiled threat.

"I'll just be a moment, please. I um... Just a second, Tessa." I used the towel still in my hand to wipe up as much water as I could, both from my own face and the countertop. I wiped down my chest, getting the few droplets that had stopped shy of the neckline of my shirt. A quick hand over my hair to smooth it as much as possible left me feeling presentable enough to venture back into the bedroom. I had barely left the doorway when I saw her sitting on the bed, staring darkly at me, eyes glittering with an emotion that I couldn't quite place.

"W-What... um... How may I help, Tessa?" My eyes dropped to the floor as I struggled over how not to offend her.

"I believe we have some things to talk about. I'm sure you have questions, but I'd like it if you'd allow me to speak first. Is that alright with you?"

"Of course, whatever you want, Tessa."

"I don't want you saying that out of the need to please. Tell the truth, do you need more time to process? I'll stay with you now, I've ensured that my duties will be covered for a day at least."

My chest tightened even as it swelled with a breath. "I d-don't know what you mean."

She rose from the bed, moving towards me even as I bowed my head lower and my lip began to quiver once more. "I want to know what you feel. I want you to tell me if you are okay with what is happening, I want you to be happy, I want you to be honest with me. But most of all, I just want you."