Helpless (gxg)

XVII- Doctor Jameson

Tessa showed me around the gigantic house. I asked her what they called it, and she said some people call it the compound as a formality, but most people just call it home. I could see how they would consider it a home, as everything about it was comfortable. It didn't feel empty despite the huge spaces and the money it must have cost, but there was just enough room to fit as many people as it needed. She told me there was more outside, but we could see it another day. She had to take me to see the doctor.

The nerves began to tangle in my stomach and spill up into my lungs. It constricted my chest, making me shudder. Tessa put a gentle hand on my shoulder before we went down the stairs.

"Willa. Listen to me, please. I do not want you to feel pressured into doing anything you are not comfortable with. The room is soundproof so no one can hear any confidential discussions between the doctor and their patient, but there is a panic button. If you want me to come in, either have Doctor Jameson come retrieve me or you can hit the button. It is in the arm of the chair you will be sitting in."

I didn't know how to respond. She was giving me an out, again, making sure that I was okay and even giving me ways to feel safe while I wasn't with her. I didn't know what to do, so I hugged her. There was a bit of a short circuit in my brain as she wrapped her arms around me, her warmth a comfortable blanket on my frayed nerves.

"I... Thanks. Thank you, Tessa."

She ran a finger under my chin and my throat closed for a second, reflexive fear spinning through my veins even as my cheeks and heart warmed at her touch. She dropped her hand after only a moment. "Of course, little one."

We had stopped in front of a massive wooden door. Well, massive to me. I'm sure that it was just normal sized to Tessa. But to me, it was the most intimidating thing I had ever encountered. The simple design was only a way to lull me into a sense of false security, the gentle shine of the handle only a cover for the evil glint that I saw.

But I couldn't back out. I had told Tessa that I would. I couldn't face the punishment for lying or refusing orders. Not from her.

And then the door opened, revealing the person that I would spend the next hour or so speaking with. The energy they carried... it was a calm happiness, a glow of peace and an aura of joy.

"Hello, you must be the new Luna! Wonderful to meet you. I'm Doctor Jameson, but you can call me Blake if you'd like. Come in, come in." I gave Tessa a small wave goodbye.

"I'll meet you here when your hour is done." Her words held a slight implication of 'unless you need me sooner'.

Doctor Jameson ushered me inside and offered me a seat across from them in an armchair. They sat as well.

"Well, let's get started on the basics, shall we?" They waited for my nod of assent before beginning. "Name?"

"Willa."

"Last name?"

"I uh... I don't have one." I looked at my hands. Doctor Jameson didn't miss a beat.

"Salinas it is. That should be enough for now. Normally we ask for family history, but I don't think that is going to be pertinent here."

Their words made me freeze. What did they mean? Did I do something wrong? Am I here for something I did? Is this a punishment? Does this person know Sir?

"Willa. Cross your arms over your chest." I obeyed immediately, not raising my head for fear of their reaction. "Good. Feel your heartbeat. Just feel it. Feel your breathing. This is real. Nothing is going to hurt you. You are safe." I did as they said, listening and feeling and focusing. After a minute or so, I felt much more calm. I breathed rhythmically as my heart began to slow, it's pounding and pumping becoming a soft song in my chest.

"Willa, when you think you've calmed down enough, look up." I hadn't realized that I had curled myself into a ball, hiding from the doctor. I slowly peeled myself apart, legs to the floor, hands to my lap, back straight, head up. My eyes drifted up to meet Doctor Jameson's, but I quickly realized my mistake and looked to the left side of his head. The beige paint was a good choice, not white enough to feel distant but cool enough to be professional.

"Willa. Do you mind telling me what made you have a panic attack?"

Their words made me think. Did I want to tell them? Could I?

"I understand if you are not comfortable, in which case we can talk about other things."

"Yeah, I uh, I would prefer that. I think." They nodded in response.

"Would you like to talk about your time with Alpha Salinas instead?"

My breath caught in my throat. "What about it?" Was I doing something wrong? I shoved down the panic and instead focused on their face.

"How you have been feeling about your new environment, likes, dislikes, anything you want to say in general."

A bit of my tension bled out at that, but I was careful to maintain my act of strength and calm. I can't let them see how damaged I am. How helpless I was before them. "I am very happy here."

"Good, that's good." They trailed off, seemingly at a loss. "Willa, do you mind if I'm direct with you."

My heart rate picked up again, but I couldn't let them see any weakness. "No."

"Alpha Salinas did not tell me anything about your past. But," they held up a hand as if to stave off any interruptions, "she was obviously very upset over something. I'd rather we get this out of the way now- I am not going to force anything. If you are uncomfortable, then you may leave or stop the track of conversation at any time. But remember this- talking about trauma is one of the best ways to be able to process it and move on. I will not judge you, I will not tell anyone- not even the Alpha- what you say during these sessions. I ask you to think about this before we meet again, as I don't think that we will make any progress today. I do, however, suggest that you meet the pack sooner rather than later. Putting yourself outside of your comfort zone is not something I'd usually recommend, but I do think that the presence of your mate will enforce your bond with both her and the pack."

I took a moment to absorb what they had said. I must have done something wrong if they were ending the session early, but nothing about them implied anger, frustration, even moderate annoyance. They seemed perfectly composed. I trusted my instincts.

"Okay. I'll try."

They smiled, a small one, something that reflected a bit of pride and a bit of worry. I wanted to leave but knew better than to simply leave a room without permission.

"Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to go get the Alpha. You can stay here if you'd like, or come with me." They stood as they spoke, offering me their hand. I hesitated for a second or two before taking it.

"I'll come with you." They smiled that same smile again.

"Let's go find your woman, shall we?"