Helpless (gxg)

XV- Back Up

"I built this library. Not only me, it was a pack project, something to bring us together. Since then, each family has donated all of their books, as it's open to anyone at any time, and we've hired quite a few people to make copies of the more rare books to preserve them. Not only that, we have a librarian working at all times so there's always someone on hand to help. It has been a huge work in progress, as you can see by some of the empty shelves, but we have been sending out to other packs and asking for anything they might be willing to share and sending scribes to copy the works that they don't want to let go of. And then there are the translators that I've hired for the books that are in other languages, they work together with the scribes to create copies in our language." She paused. "Any questions?"

"Um... where's the librarian right now?" I peered around nervously.

She laughed, causing my stomach to sink as I realized I must have done something wrong. I'm prepared to apologize when she speaks again. "I would never make you be around someone who might make you uncomfortable. I asked everyone to stay away for about an hour today, and I think we've almost used it all up. Are you ready to leave?"

I gave a wistful look around at the books, but nodded. She grabbed my hand, bringing my attention back to her. "Willa, you can take a few books if you want."

"Really?" My breath catches in my throat as I wait for her answer.

"Really."

About five minutes later, we're making our way back to Tessa's rooms, my arms stacked with three books on wolf history, one on basic science, and two fantasy novels. I wanted to learn everything I could but I couldn't resist the urge to read for pure, simple pleasure as well. A warm, content feeling filled my chest, a satisfaction that I didn't think I had ever experienced before. I was right.

She opened the door and held it open as I entered, a continuation of the chivalry that she had earlier shown by offering to carry the books, an offer I had refused. I couldn't quite bring myself to let go of those magnificant gifts. I thanked the Goddess that I had been taught how to read, even if it was just so I could follow orders more easily. I still didn't know how to write, though. Maybe I should see if the library had any instruction books on that...

"Willa, would you like something to eat?" Tessa's voice broke me out of my reviree, reminding me of my grumbling stomach.

"I-If you want, I could... make something?" I wanted to cook for her, show her that I was grateful.

"Would that make you happy?" Once again, her response surprised me but it made the warmth bloom larger.

"Yes."

"Then you can put the books in our room while I get a few ingredients from the kitchen downstairs. I'll only be a few minutes. Will you be alright alone?" I nodded, already moving towards her bedroom when I realized my mistake.

"Oh! I'm so sorry, Tessa, I didn't give a verbal..." By the time I had turned around she was already gone, as if she hadn't noticed that I didn't respond out loud or as if she didn't care. I realized that I wasn't uncomfortable, that I was becoming more used to her lack of rules and structure. I didn't know if I liked it or not, but it was different. I just had to give myself time.

I sat on the bed, running my fingers across the spines of the books, marvelling at the beautiful colors and how sturdy the binding was. They were so well-cared for despite being well-worn as well. It was clear that Tessa loved these books. I wondered if she would ever love me that much.

Before I could consider the consequences of that last thought, the sound of the door to the rooms opening and closing drawing me back to the kitchen to see Tessa setting down two large, canvas bags on the counter. She gave me a dazzling smile before teasing, "Did you miss me?"

It was so unexpected that I giggled and looked away before even realizing what was happening. "Y-yeah..."

Her face morphed into something more gentle and she held her hands out for me to hold. "Oh, my angel. You're so perfect for me." I took her hands, resisting the urge to pull her closer and snuggle against her. "Sweetie, do you want to get closer?" I agreed, immediately burrowing into her embrace. I didn't want to talk, just be held for a moment.

Tessa humored me for a minute but shifted when my stomach growled loudly, rubbing it softly. "Why don't we get some food in you, doll?" I nodded, moving away from her slowly. I opened the bags to see what she had brought, considering what would be best to make and different combinations I could make. "I'll leave you to it, baby girl."

"Thank you, Tessa!" I remembered my manners then and internally cringed, hoping that she wouldn't be offended that it took me so long. But once again she surprised me, only giving me a soft kiss against the back of my head before she disappeared into a room that I assumed was her office.

I busied myself with the cooking, feeling safe and content as I moved about the kitchen to prepare the food. I smiled as I poured just the right amount of oil into the pan, warming it before adding thinly slized steak. The onions and cloves seemed to be fresh, probably picked from a garden or greenhouse I hadn't gotten to see yet. It made me excited for more time with Tessa spent roaming the halls of this massive home. I continued to think about her as I poured the chicken stock into a large pot.

It wasn't deep thoughts, just things like how I liked being held by her and how her kisses felt like home while giving me a small taste of adventure at the same time. I liked to look into her eyes no matter how unnatural it seemed. 

This train of thought continued for quite some time as I seemed to go on auto-pilot, preparing a sort of breakfast/lunch soup, what with how early we had been up and the fact that it was before noon, even if only by a bit. I thought it came out well, but I was still anxious about how Tessa would like it.

I set the table, slightly put out that I didn't make my own bread to go with everything, but the loaf that Tessa had brought seemed good enough for something so simple. I brushed my hands off and went to the door that Tessa was behind. I took a deep breath and knocked.