Supernatural BSM

Breakdown- Sister Y/N

1st Person POV

"Hold on I still want you. Come back I still need you." The song of Hold On by Chord Over-street rang through my ears. It had been a few weeks since I had fallen into this depression and it didn't seem like it had an end. I had found myself sitting in the dark of my bedroom in the bunker crying. It's been like this for as long as I can recall. It was as if I had pressed a button one day and... here I was, depressed, ugly and worthless. The lyrics kept flooding me. There was no end to the sadness that had planted it seeds within me. Crying seemed as if it were the only way out, crying was my happy. It was the only happy I could find.

I had positioned myself in a corner of my room, knees tucked to my chest and my head resting on them. A soft sob escapes my lips. I don't know how long I've been crying, all I know is that Sam is on a hunt and Dean was out on a supply run. My head shot up once I hear the door to the bunker open and close. I throw my hand over my mouth to stop anymore sobs from escaping. "Y/N! I got us dinner." I hear an all too familiar gruff voice shout from across the bunker. I don't answer. I don't even move. I just sit there not wanting to get up, not wanting to move, not even wanting to breathe. "Y/N?" Dean calls again. I can hear his footsteps drawing near to my room. My body tensed up as if it were bracing for high impact. The doorknob to my room started to jiggle slightly and then in one swift motion, it was opened.

Dean's POV

    "Y/N?" I called from the doorway of her room. I took a step in and in the corner of the small dark room. The hall light illuminated a small frail figure. She was balled up not moving. It looked as if she was frozen in fear. It broke my heart. My baby girl looking so broken, looking so weak, looking so... helpless. Sam was really the one that had to deal with these sorts of things, so I was stuck for a moment on not knowing what to do or how to approach. I then walked over and sat down beside her. She flinched slightly and that's what broke me the most. Her not even wanting to be around her own older brother when she needs it most. I click on her phone, the photo of Sam, myself and Y/N was placed as the lock screen. I pause her music and throw my arm over her shoulder. She immediately breaks down even more. I kissed the side of her head and leaned my head against hers.

    Through the cause of my actions, I feel her breath hitch and quicken. It was like it didn't know how to react to its own flesh and blood. I'm her brother and I can't even calm down one of her break downs. But like always I know she has to ware herself down before she can slowly begin to be built back up.

    "Breathe. Just Breathe." Is all I could say. What else was I supposed to do? Feed her white lies and say everything was going to be okay? Soon enough though her breathing steadied. It wasn't normal, but it was getting there; slowly. I hushed her like a mother would hush a crying baby. I comforted her like a father would a daughter. She is my baby girl... and I let something hurt her. Even though it is something I have no control over and I could not stop, I still let it get to her. I still let it creep its way into her small frail mind and break it.

    The one thing Y/N would pride herself on is appearance. But now, that is nothing but a sad song. I see it now. The past few days that Sam was gone... I see it all now. Her once (hair length), (hair style), (hair colour) hair was now rough and tattered. Her once gorgeous bright E/C eyes were now faded, dull and ugly; not holding any hope in them. Y/N held herself on how she looked and presented herself to others... but now, now that she's like this, It looks as if my baby girl is nothing more than a useless rag doll that's half way to death's door. And I can't do a god damn thing about it.

    Soon enough though, I feel her body slowly go limp. I feel her erratic breathing cease and steady to a calm sea. I lift my head up and look at her. From all that crying, from all that panic, from all that worry... it took Chuck knows how long for her to calm down and fall asleep. I unhook my arm from around her and place her in my lap. I curl my arms around her like anyone who would want to protect someone would do.

    For the first time in a long time a tear fell from my eye. A single tear that held so much emotion. I promised to protect my baby girl with my life and I couldn't even protect her from herself. I save people... but how is it that I can't ever save the ones I love?