Supernatural BSM

Blood Is Thicker Part 3-Daughter Y/N

If you see him in the street, walking by himself, talking to himself, have pity.

He is going through the unimaginable.

-Lin-Manuel Miranda

Dean's Pov

I'm packing up my stuff from the hunt that I was on, when my phone starts ringing. I look at the caller ID and roll my eyes slightly. It's Sam. I know he's my brother but come on, a guy can only take so many drunk morning calls while he's away. I answer the phone and sigh slightly, "Yes Sam?" I question, expecting it to be about how we were out of beer again. I swear, his drinking habits are worse than mine. But at least Y/N is sound asleep at this hour. "Dean..." I hear the sadness in my brother's voice, and what worries me even more is that he's sober for once. "What's wrong Sam?" "It's all my fault Dean... It's all my fault... I pushed her over the edge." Sam held back sobs as he spoke. "Woah Sam slow down. Pushed who over the edge?" "Y/N."

-Two Days Later-

Dean's Pov

-Flash Back (Y/N age 4)-

"Uncle Dean!" "What is it baby girl?" I had asked her. "Daddy is being mean again...this time he hit me." Y/n spoke with tears in her eyes. "It's okay little-lun. Uncle Dean will always be here to protect you. No matter what." I said as I pulled her into a hug, hiding away my anger and sadness. "Promise?" Y/N said pulling away from me, holding out her pinky finger. "Promise." I responded holing out my finger to lock with hers.
-End of Flashback-

    I stared at the mound of fiery logs that held up my niece. It was like time seemed to move in slow motion. Since Sam was never there for her, it was like she was my daughter. I heard that the death of a child is like losing your breath and never catching it again, and I never believed it... until now. Sam walked up from behind me, "Dean, listen, I never meant for this to happen. I never meant to push her over the edge. The things I said to her, the things I did... you really think I could be able to live with myself for the rest of my life knowing that I can't fix any of this?" Sam said as he got closer to me. I didn't once take my eyes off the fire burning high in the dark, clouded sky. "Sam, I've never liked the quiet before. And now I am forced to live with the unimaginable. I've been praying to Chuck that I would wake up from this nightmare but I can't seem to do so. And me praying? That never used to happen before." I spoke as I finally turned away from the flames. "If I could trade her life for mi-" I cut him off, "Yeah, if only you could do that. Because of you, Y/N is dead. All because of you."

   "Dean I'm sorry! If I could take back the past 12 years I would in a heartbeat. I would do things right! I would treat her like the young woman she was! I would treat her the way a father should treat their daughter." Sam yelled with regret hinted in his voice. "Some time to say that now huh Sam? Too bad you can't fix it. Too bad that your grieving over Jess was too much that it blinded you to even see your own god-damn daughter! Sam you think this is what I ever wanted to do? Think I ever wanted to burn her body in whatever scenario? But no. Suicide took the light in my life and nothing can ever replace it. Good going Sam."

   I turned back to Y/N's burning body, then heard Sam speak, "Y/N I'm gonna miss you. Daddy's so sorry that this happened. I never wanted you to do this. Never wanted any of this to happen. Believe me, I will never forgive my-" "Shut up. You're the reason she's dead, you don't get to apologize." "Dean, I was in a state of grief and depression after Jess." "A mindset that lasted 12 years. I've told you right after Jess died that your new number one priority was to take care of Y/N. And you failed at that." I said bitterly. "What was I supposed to do? Drop my own feelings and act like nothing happened?" Sam fired back. "You were supposed to stay strong for Y/N. Cry where she wasn't. Be there for her when she had nightmares about her mom dying in front of her. The things that I did when you were to blinded to do them for your own daughter." I felt the pain and regret in Sam's sober voice when he said, "You think.. You think I'm ever going to forgive myself for not being there for her?" Within a heartbeat however, "You wanna know what I think? I think it should be you up there and not her."