heavy-hearted | fillie

eighteen

from the first time that she really done me
oh, she done me, she done me good
i guess nobody ever really done me
oh, she done me, she done me good
don't let me down
——————

The morning came, they were still in the same position. Millie's hand holding onto the side Finn's neck, subconsciously playing with the small curls that nipped at her fingers. His hand went from the back of her thigh to her lower back, making sure her body was against his at all times throughout the night. Maybe they didn't move because of the exhaustion from the episode before. 

When she was with him, she felt normal. She craved more and more of him every second, she didn't know why it took her so long to realise it. She needed more.

She's not confessing an undying love or anything, but she isn't denying the fluttering feeling her heart makes when he looks at her with that stupid smile of his. This feeling, scared the fuck out of her.

So when she opened her eyes, she peeled herself away from him slowly, lifting the blanket back over his body as she walked to Sadie's room.

"Hi." She said, entering and sitting on the end of her bed as she rubbed her eyes harshly. She needed to scrub off this feeling.

"Hey, you ok?" Sadie asked, noticing the off expression that was plastered on Millie's face. Millie nodded, scratching at the back of her neck.

"Yeah, i was just going to tell you that I was going to jump in the shower and to see if after you wanted to go and get breakfast?"

Sadie smiled, loving the idea. She's progressed, Sadie's plan was finally working and she couldn't be more happy. Nodding, Sadie sat up, looking towards Millie.

"Sure, sounds fun. Haven't you got college, though? It's Monday."

"No." Millie shook her head. "Last time I was in Mark told us that he had an appointment at the hospital with his wife, she's pregnant apparently."

"No way!" Sadie beamed, Sadie had Mark last year when he was teaching her, she was really fond of him.

"Yeah, so my other lessons aren't until 12:30."

"Okay, go and have a shower and get ready and I'll meet you downstairs in an hour." Sadie said, jumping out of her bed and rummaging through her closet, finding something appropriate to wear. Sadie didn't have college on Mondays, but the fact that she was willing to get out of bed on her day off and go to breakfast with Millie, it made her feel valued.

"Sure." Millie simply replied, walking into the bathroom as she hung a towel on the rail, ready for her when she got out.

She played her bathroom playlist, which consisted of around the same songs on all of her other playlists. The scrubbed her scalp while listening to The Beatles Don't Let Me Down, the song that made her happy, the song she'd listen to in earphones in order to drown out her parents violent outbursts.

She looked over the cuts and scars that clung to her forearm, feeling proud of herself that it's almost been two weeks without conflicting pain on herself. It hasn't even crossed her mind, it wasn't even thought of.

So, she went to breakfast with Sadie, and she enjoyed it. She laughed, she laughed for once and it didn't feel forced. Her college day also dragged by, it felt like it was so long to the point where Millie had to lock herself in the toilet to stop herself from crying publicly. It was physically exhausting, emotionally exhausting. All she wanted was to go back to Finn and Sadie's, to lay in his bed and to just shut her eyes - shut herself off from the world.