The horizon and the balcony

Quiet uptown

This was the worst birthday they've had in years. The trip to Maine was called off for obvious reasons and it was uncharacteristically cold for October. It was also snowing, Lafayette hated the snow. It reminded them of winter and everything always went wrong in the winter. They called their boss the night before and made it known they were coming into work today. They slowly rolled out of bed, the tension in the room made their skin crawl. They haven't spoken to John nor Alexander, the ring on their finger made them feel queasy. They wanted to call Thomas, have a shoulder to lean on. But there were already speculations of them being unfaithful, they couldn't fuel the fire.

Unfaithful.

That's when it dawned on them, John thought of them as unfaithful. Sure the thought of Thomas made their stomach tie itself in knots but they were not being unfaithful. This was putting a strain on all of their relationships, they were cornered. That's how they found themself on the floor in the kitchen quietly sobbing to Angelica at 5:00am and oh bless her heart as she listened. The Schuyler sisters were birds of a feather in that way, always listening,always understanding,never judging.

"Lafayette honey...I don't think it's a good idea for you to go into work today"she said.

"N-no I need to do something...need to help someone"they choked out.

"But you need to help yourself first and I'm gonna be blunt with you right now. You being an emotional wreck will not be any help to others. Your office is a safe place, yes?"she said.

"Oui"They said quietly.

"you going in there harboring all this negative energy will only bring your patients down with you. You can not help others before you help yourself. That's what self care is Lafayette. As a therapist you preach it but you need to practice what you preach mon cher"she said.

"You speak my native tongue"They said shakily.

"My sisters and I studied abroad in France but that's not important right now. I need you to go take a shower, get dressed and be ready by 7:00am."she said.

"Thank you ange but where are you taking me?"They asked.

"It's a surprise"she said giddily. They bid their goodbyes but as soon as she hung up they felt alone again. They don't know how long they spent sitting in the kitchen but the sound of the front door opening momentarily dragged them out of their trance. There Angelica stood wearing light pink skinny jeans and a cream colored skirted pea coat. Lafayette suddenly felt bashful under her gaze as they stared down at their tattered pajama bottoms and naked chest.

"So that's who you've been fucking"John said. His voice was startling calm as he leaned up against the doorframe. Angelica took off her beanie and stared at him in confusion.

"What are you ta-"

"No no it's cool, you're a pretty lil thing I approve"he deadpanned. Despite the emotionless sound he was going for it was teetering on venomous. That made Angelica's blood boil. Her nostrils flared as she stomped up to him fists clenched at her sides. She sized him up. Lean but muscular, almost eye level with her and seemingly unstable.

"First of all I'm not fucking your partner, Lafayette is a friend of mine. Second of all I'm not gonna stand here and let you talk about me like I'm some sort of object. Third of all if you're John then boy you've got a lot of shit coming your way, come on Lafayette"she snapped and spun away from him. John's eyes widened in bewilderment, he wanted to apologize but he couldn't. He racked his brain and settled on something more appropriate.

"So you're really leaving Laf?"he asked.
"After all we've been through this is really how you're walking out?"

"Oh would you please save the melodramatic shit! I'm bringing them back later, it's their birthday and I'm taking them out."She countered.

"I don't think I was asking you chicken legs"he argued.

"Chicke-boy if you knew what was good for you you'd-"

"Stop it"Lafayette whispered but it had the force of a fighter jet behind it. The room went silent, they rubbed their head as they felt the familiar tension grow. A headache was in order after the stress this morning had put on them. They've only been awake a mere two hours.

"John I can not do this right now"They continued. John locked his jaw and crossed his arms over his chest. The cold look in his eyes sent a shiver down Lafayette's spine. They felt helpless, unable to breath as their chest constricted and they couldn't force the words out. John soon grew tired of the silence and supplemented his two cents in place of it.

"Lafayette I'm warning you, if you walk out that door don't bother to come back"he said. That threw off their train of thought. They had a whole speech planned, an entire way to diffuse the situation but they choked and spoke too late. They always spoke too late.

"Then I won't...goodbye John"They said in defeat and walked out the door. The cool air bit at their exposed chest but they didn't care. The way the frost bit at their nose brought uncomfortable nostalgia with it. It reminded them of winter, everything went wrong in the winter.

Angelica shouted a few choice words at John which roused the entire house. The hallway lights turned on and soon enough Hercules and Alexander were walking out of the bedroom in their matching robes. Alexander was alarmed at the presence of a female but Hercules was more surprised than anything.

"Angelica? What are you doing here?"He asked.

"You know her?!"John and Alex exclaimed at the same time. She shot John a glare and walked up to Hercules. Her face was wound tight into a frown as she poked his chest with every word.

"You keep John away from Lafayette or else"she threatened and walked towards the door but she wasn't done. She had a million things to say, a million threats some were empty and some she would willingly put into place but this was neither the time nor the place. This wasn't a race, to see who could get the last laugh, who could wound their opponent the fastest. It was the every lasting effect that would leave her most satisfied. So she chose her words wisely, secretly plotting.

"And John, god dammit I hope you're satisfied!"she growled and with that she slammed it shut rattling their framed pictures on the wall.

Lafayette was sat on the front steps visibly shivering, snow collected in their hair and they were cold to the touch.

"Oh no honey come on"she said and grunted pulling them up and into the car. She dug around frantically for emergency blankets and wrapped them up. A person of their size looked almost wrapped up in a rubber ducky themed children's blanket but it was the best she could do.

"Wear this"She said taking her beanie off and pulling it over their head. Lafayette wanted to protest, wanted to say she's done more than enough for them but the words couldn't leave their mouth. The moment passed it was too late. They always spoke too late. She put the car into drive and backed out of their driveway driving as fast as she could. She sped away from the house immediately turning on to the highway not wanting to let the memories marinate.

"You're not going back there Laf, not while you're this upset"she said. They said nothing as the tears rolled down their face, they had forgotten Abeille. Their one and only doudou, their last childhood memory gone left in...in that place. She placed a hand over theirs and rubbed it feeling her heart shatter. She was an empath like her sister but had a harder time hiding it. The best she could do in this situation was talk. Talk as much as she could, leaves no time for wallowing, for reflection, for damage.

"I have a daughter, her name is Hazel. She would love to have you there...along with my girlfriend Charlotte, will you stay with us?"she asked gently. Lafayette couldn't find the words to say as guilt settled in their stomach. They had left John, he confided in them and they left just because things got a little tough, a little too hard to bare.

Check your privilege they heard their younger self say in a chilling voice, they shivered. Angelica thought they were still cold so she turned the heat up to the highest setting and even tried to offer up her jacket. It was a sweet jacket in theory but the material would do little to warm them.

"I live in upper Manhattan, our house is nice and we own a plot of land" she said.

"It's quiet uptown, you would like it uptown"