The horizon and the balcony

Raise a glass

3:00am. The cold air bit his cheeks rosy as he sat and pondered. Thinking back on today made his stomach turn like a washing machine on rinse cycle. His heart felt heavy in its cage sandwiched between the two men, it was barely beating. That's how he found himself sitting on the balcony staring at the buzz of the city below him blanketed in white. He wouldn't fall, no. He's done this much too many times to fall. Looking behind him his heart shattered. Ginger the kitten was fast asleep on Lafayette's sweater. The one he said smelled like grandma perfume. Alexander chuckled at the memory, Lafayette had looked so offended and went on an entire rant in French. Poor Alexander could barely keep up but seeing Lafayette speak so passionately fueled a fire within him. He would do whatever it took to keep that passion going. But it was much too late wasn't it? He had his chance to speak up,to help,to put up a fight but when it came to John god he was helpless. He was rendered speechless by him for the first time since their marriage.

He no longer knew where his loyalty lay. Sharing the bed with the man who drove his sunshine away felt wrong but sleeping in a different room filled him with guilt. So he wouldn't sleep, he would sit on the balcony and ponder, let the snowflakes dampen his hair. He was nursed a cup of black coffee as the urge to write flooded his system. He wanted to write a sonnet for them, a melody but he wouldn't. Lafayette loved poetry and writing one they would never see was only in vain. It would never leave the safety of Alexander's conscious, if John found it would he be next? There was no reason why not. After all he was little Alexander from the barrio, bastard,orphan,son of a whore. John could truly get reckless with his words, the argument after Lafayette had left felt like the duel of the century.

Bastard. The words John spat with such force seemingly glued him to the floor. He could only stand there and stare. He hated that word with a passion and John just threw it around like it was the cool new slang. Like it was some new affectionate term for the man you married, the man who took you in after your incarnation-

He stepped his brain in its tracks, his thoughts were getting too bitter. The mug seemingly burned against his skin but at the same time did nothing to mask the cold he was feeling. Cold, the only warmth he seemed was Lafayette's embrace but he choked. He spook too late, the moment had passed and gone it was all too late. Too late to make a difference, to late to say the right things. Lafayette was gone and essentially so was he. Physically he was still right there sitting on the balcony clutching his cup of coffee close to his chest but mentally his mind was a whirlwind of sonnets, of poetry, of memories, the hurricane,their first date,their first kiss,the first time they said I love you-he took a deep breath.

He digressed and closed his eyes counting back from ten.

Ten.
"Alexander we have ten minutes to get out the door!"Lafayette's voice rang.

" 'm scared, why did I have to be the alumni speaker!"he whined fiddling with his cuff links. Lafayette strode over and set his suit straight smoothing back his ponytail. They smiled and rested their forehead against his.

"You're going to do amazing, you know why? You've got that big brain in their that creates words faster than I can think"They said and kissed his forehead.
Suddenly he was ready.

Nine.
"I do not understand the purpose of this game!"Lafayette whined petulantly. Alexander snorted and took a seat on the couch next to them.

"Its to pass time while the cables out. I'm gonna give you a number and a color and you name the number of things in the room that have that color, understand?"he said. Lafayette nodded but still kept their arms crossed over their chest.

"Hmmm white and nine"he said.

"You"Lafayette said immediately. Alexander gave them a deadpan look as they chuckled.