Remember. (Sally Face)

Chapter 8. "Confusion"

P.O.V : Sal

I rested on my bed and stared at the ceiling. My hands sat lazily behind my head as I felt guilt eat me up. I had went straight home even though Friday's were our days. I shouldn't have left her at the gate, I sighed angrily at myself. I was so conflicted on seeing her that I decided to not see her at all.

My feelings were all over the place when it came to Liliana and honestly it felt overwhelming. I felt betrayed that she was evening thinking about going to the dance with someone like Evan. He was an asshole and made my life a living hell alongside Travis through high school. Not only me but many other students as well.

Then there was the other nagging feeling, jealousy. 

I hated dances but if she were to go, I would have wanted to be the one to take her. Did I like her? Or was I just overly protective as a friend. I was irritable because half of me wanted to stick by her while the other wanted to distance myself from her.

I felt my knuckles brush against the straps on my mask. I unhooked them and felt the mask slowly slide off. I held the mask in the air and stared at it. "Always running away from my problems.." I mumbled out.

Though I was looking at the ceiling and my dangling mask, my thoughts were miles away. She was thin but still had nice curves in all the right places. Her pale skin made her freckles pop out and her grey eyes weren't like anything I had ever seen. Her small nervous quirks made her all the more adoring. When I made her smile, my heart raced and I wanted to do it again. I felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment. What was I even thinking.

I tossed my mask to the side on the bed and let my hand glide over my rugged face. Each scar protruded roughly against my finger tip. My face was a mess and I couldn't stand the judgmental looks others through my way. I knew I looked nearly deranged, it wasn't like I chose this.

I heard my mother's scream and my young self sobbing in pain. I quickly sat up, trying to rid myself of bad memories. I held my scarred face in my hands. She couldn't love something that looked like this. She couldn't look at me if I had the mask off. I heard a pounding at my door and I quickly attached the mask back on.

My hair was out of the piggy tails and it cascaded over my pale mask. I forgot Larry said he was coming up here.

I sighed and thanked Larry for the distraction from my spiraling thoughts. I opened the door and without a word, Larry barged into my apartment. He slammed the door behind him and shrugged off his large winter coat. "Okay, what the hells wrong with you?"

His voice was low and pissed off.

I thought back to the recent interactions we had and found nothing that could have pissed him off this bad. "What..do you mean?"

He scowled and crossed his lanky arms. "You ditched Lily at the gate!"

I guiltily looked down and scratched the back of my neck "I know and I'm pissed at myself.."

"Why would you even do that? That girl waited an hour in the snow for you, she was so sure you were coming. When I broke the news to her.. I haven't ever seen her that sad."

My chest constricted as I quickly looked up at him. "She waited that long?"

"Yes. If I hadn't been at art club, I'm wondering if she would have waited fucking longer!"

I winced at his yelling and looked down at his wet boots. "Why didn't you wait for her?"

I glanced away "I've had..a lot on my mind and thought being alone would solve it."

Larry sighed and shook his head. "That's what we're here for. You know that. Whenever you need to talk, I'm always gonna have your back Sally Face"