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2.2

hi everybody! I'm sorry for disappearing after dropping the bomb on you all; I was so busy with school then I came home for Christmas, had several food comas and a spell of writer's block but here I am! two more chapters + epilogue to go!
fyi: this chapter is gonna have several flashbacks, which should be noted by italics and asterisks (***) (although the last part in italics is not a flashback)(you'll figure it out you got this)

tw/ suicidal thoughts

Lee Minhyuk

"Minhyuk."

"Dr Kim."

He smiled, so happily and causally I almost envied how he could be this cheerful. "Please, I think we're on a first name basis at this point. Call me Namjoon."

"Oh, right. Cool name."

"Thank you, but I'm guessing we aren't here to speak about my name," he leaned back on his chair, setting a notebook on his lap. "it's been a while, which is an indication that you've been doing well."

"You make it sound like I only ever call you when I'm not okay."

"Which is exactly why I'm here, technically - and most likely the reason why you did call. You look different, though, far thinner. Is everything okay?" He asked gently.

I paused for a second. Everything was too far from okay, having fallen to shambles, with me at the centre of it all to deal with the destruction. And right now, I wish I had been taken down too. At least I couldn't feel anything then, not that I could now anyway.

"You told me to call you immediately whenever I thought of..harming myself," he nodded at my words. "so I did."

"And that's good. I'm glad you reached out to me, it means you want help, you want to feel better."

"I don't know if I could ever feel better again, Namjoon," I laughed sadly. "I destroyed everything that was good for me."

"How so?"

"Where should I even begin? I drove away the one person who cared about me and shut out everybody else."

"Even your boyfriend?"

"Starting with him," I sighed, bringing my face to my hands before taking them through my hair. "I did a terrible thing. And now he's gone."

Namjoon blinked rapidly, leaning forward. "Not like that, Jesus. He's literally moved away."

"Oh! I see. Not that I think you would even be capable of something like that, but I see. Would you like to fill me in on your day? What exactly lead you to feeling this way and reaching out to me?"

I nodded.

***

Everyday was like the next, until slowly, they all merged into one, prolonged grey blur. It had been only a few days since Jooheon came back home to collect his things and spared me a final, sad look before closing the door behind him, his keys now permanently on the kitchen counter.
I let it happen. I didn't have the authority to hold him down to me when I was the one thing keeping him from a better life.