The Velvet touch

"Even if"

"I never thought i would feel like this someday. The winds blow stronger now. Everything has color now, there's no black and white. I feel like i'm changing. I'm moving faster against time, with time, ahead of time. Love has taught me few things. I'm now more patient. I don't get restless if i don't see you for a day. Because you are inside me beating with my heart. Seeing you from a distance even, gives me peace, I feel more like myself. I never realized my heart is as soft as cotton because i hadn't found you. I had a heart pumping blood. But now i have a heart beating in your name. The change i feel inside soothes me. Sometimes i feel afraid, vulnerable, ruthless and angry. My mood betrays me every now and then. But it settles down when your face comes in front of my eyes. I don't really understand does seeing you from a distance strengthens me or keeping you closer comforts me. I didn't really know what love is like. But now i know love comes in a form of a heavenly body, with slender fingers, dusky hair, rosy cheeks and a morose voice. I find you sad and melancholy many times when you are near me. Your hollow voice pains me. Could never gather the courage of asking you of your pain. I was afraid, I'm still afraid. What if you push me farther if i try to bring you closer? i'll not be able to bear that pain, I'll break, i'll shatter to pieces. My heart is strong enough to love you but too weak to let go. I'm whimsical and reckless but everything falls to place when i sense your breath around me. Your smell reminds me of the clear autumn sky waiting for winter to wrap it in itself. Your touch is like velvet. From the day i saw you, I knew you could be as strong as the winds, as soft as a cotton, as clear as water, as bright as sunlight, as delicate as rose petals and as beautiful as the night. Sometimes i wish to hold you tight, sometimes i just wish to hold your hands. My imaginations are still not brave enough to think of you as my bride, I'm not courageous enough to make you a part of my messy life. But i do know love knows no boundaries and my infinite love for you would bring you close to me. Even if the sun doesn't shine, I'll love you. Even if night doesn't fall, I'll love you. Even if the world ends, I'll love you. Even if, if you are not mine, you will be mine. Even though i'm calm, I'm desperate. Desperate for you. Desperate in love. 

And there's nothing more beautiful than being desperate." 

                                                                                                                                                                    ----------- Leon