Healing Love (A Bensler fanfic)

Surprising News

On Thursday Elliot denied needing therapy, that he's tough, that Lewis could have done much worse to him. He did go in with Olivia, though, in support of her. They talked about what happened, and Olivia cried, expressing feelings of guilt for what the Beast did to Elliot.

"Why do you feel guilty?" Dr. Lindstrom asked.

"I don't know because... He didn't deserve it..."

"And you did?" the therapist asked with a knitted brow.

"No. Of course not, I just...if it weren't for me Elliot would have been spared. Hell, I don't know how Lewis knew I was with Elliot, but he did and if..."

"Olivia you're speaking as if you regret us being together," Elliot said.

"I'm not! Dammit, I don't know... I just feel guilty. I'm so fucking sorry that he did this to you, and you say you don't need help, which maybe you don't, but I do and..."

"No one is saying you don't!" Elliot said, his voice rising in volume. Olivia sank into the couch cushion, feeling as though she couldn't express herself in a way that made sense.

"I just want this all to be over," she whispered, cradling her head in her hands. Elliot placed his hand on her back.

"Olivia, it isn't your fault, what happened to Elliot. You didn't give Lewis Elliot's address, you didn't give him an order to attack him, you are not in the wrong. It's okay to feel sympathy, but don't beat yourself up over things that you did not do." Olivia nodded and then her phone rang. She checked it and it was the Captain.

"I'm sorry, but this is work..." she said and stepped outside. "Captain, what's up?"

"It's William Lewis. He was found dead in his cell." Olivia nearly dropped her cell phone in shock, mixed feelings flooded over her all of a sudden.

"Um, I- I don't know what to say. I guess, that's a good thing? No, that sounds wrong..."

"He hung himself with the bedsheet."

"Oh?" was all Olivia could say.

"I think you and Elliot should come to the precinct."

"We're in a therapy session right now, but we can be there afterwards."

"Alright, see you then."

"Yeah, see you." Olivia was about to hang up but Cragen stopped her.

"And Liv?"

"Yeah, Cap?"

"It's not wrong to say that it's a good thing. I know it's not an ideal way to get justice, or to end something as horrible as this, but maybe now that the Beast is gone you can finally put this behind you, find peace, you know?" Olivia smiled at Don's words. He's always been there for her.

"Thank you." They hung up and Olivia went back to her therapist's office.

"That was Cragen," she said just standing there in the doorway.

"And? What did he have to say?" Elliot asked sitting up straighter, wincing in pain as he did so.

"It's Lewis. He, he killed himself in his cell. I- I'm feeling... I don't know... Relieved, I guess," Olivia said. She sat down next to Elliot. "But... I feel guilty for feeling that way."

"Olivia," Dr. Lindstrom said, "There is nothing to feel guilty about. That evil, horrible man, he can't hurt you anymore. He is gone, you're not." Olivia shrugged, her therapist's words failing to make her feel better. On the other hand, Elliot wouldn't be charged with what he did to Lewis, so that was a positive. Maybe her captain was right, maybe now she really could begin to heal and finally find peace. Despite her reeling mind and the mixed feelings she was having- guilt, shock, relief- Olivia finally felt herself able to breathe without difficulty for the first time in a while.